memory of blasphemy! oh, smart ass (really)

we, engineers wannabe, were so excited knowing that there would be a trip to Universiti Teknologi Petronas (UTP), a renowned university in Malaysia, once my dream university. that trip, which was exclusively for top 20 MARA trial scorers for engineers, would be remembered for the rest of my life.

it was 4 am in the morning; yet, the students who signed up for that trip had prepared to board on bus from MRSM Serting to UTP. i could see tired (for not having enough sleep) yet excited faces - as i was among of them, too. we were all dressed in our formal/official attire, if i could say so, the baju batik. the smartest (neat) dress after LDP (Students Disciplinary Board) attire.

so it was really long journey to get there-precisely 356km (221miles). UTP, at that time, was really nice. i was so interested to study there. the library was amazing; and so were the people too. we did a few academic session. as this trip was for students who were most likely qualified to apply for fast-track program in UTP, we were served with variety programs. they had exhibition booths and things alike. so after spending some time there, it was time for us to get back to the place where we belong - the jungle academy a.k.a Serting.

after a while, everyone woke up after got enough sleep. i was sitting in the back with some friends. suddenly, a friend of mine, came to me and asked me. "dude, i really need to go to bathroom". i asked why. " i need to pee right now. could you please ask the teacher to stop somewhere?". oh pity him. so i went up to the front of the bus where Mr.Fir sat. i asked nicely conveying my friend's request. "OK, we are going to stop soon." he smiled. and i went back to seat. after a while, probably too long for my friend, the bus still did not make any stop. "dude, what am i gonna do now? i wanna pee so bad!". we didn't take it seriously. we asked him to pee in the bottle with almost everyone in the bus prepared with their own cameras. how could he pee like that? sorry dude. unfortunately, the bus finally make a stop when he was just about to pee! damn it. we could have taken picture of him urinating in bottle. probably video too!

he was running the hell out of the bus to get to bathroom. actually, i was also holding pee too. i guess same went to everybody else. our hunt for toilet started. so nobody urinated in that lucky bottle. and most importantly, no legend picture was taken.

after a while, we got hungry. most of the boys agreed to have our dinner at Pizza Hut. so the premise was full with us. i was not aware where girls went - but that is not the point. so there was a friend of mine, better be known as Jack (even though nobody called him Jack), on the neighboring table. i was with my other friends - let them be known as Indo, Chick, Jaws, and Intel. there was some immature argument went around - how to eat pizza? using hands or cutleries? i go with the hands, dude! what so biggie.

finally our pizzas were ready and served. this unfortunate Jack, had put ridiculously abundant amount of Hot Tabasco. Intel, the guy who could have urinated in bottle, told Jack that it was hot he would not stand it. Jack acted cool and said "Relax dude, it has been part of my nature". we couldn't say anything more. let him be with his meal. so we enjoyed our meal. we really had real good time - taking pictures, telling jokes and things like that. damn i miss school year.

so it was the time to get back to our school. after hours of journey, i couldn't sleep. it was because i accused Chic, who was sitting next to me, farting. i heard fart sound and i smell some serious bad gas too. he denied it aggressively - like someone who has actually farted. so i just let him be. i really couldn't stand the smell that i wrapped my face with curtain of the window of the bus. several moment after that, there was a friend of mine, let us called him Navy, came to me and asked me "Do you smell something?". i answered, yes i do. it is Chic who farted. he then said "this is seriously not smell of gas". i was like, yeah. it had been for quite some time. how could THAT gas managed to be in the mist air for this length of time? what kind of passing-air was that - i wonder. "this is the smell of poop, dude!" he then added. yeah, you might be right. i had been suffered ever since. so i turned to Jaws, Indo and Chic and they were also agreed.

the investigation on seeking who the poopy was, started. we listed some possible name. some serious argument of possible Mr/Ms.Poopy went on. everybody, the people of backseat, came out with their name with their own reasons. i voted him because of this and this. Intel suggested her because of this and this. Indo, Jaws, Chic and some other guys also involve in that unhealthy yet critical discussion. Chic made his move to sense the source of the gas using his nose - like trained K9. he went back and forth. i must say it was really ridiculous and disgusting way to figure out Mr. Poopy. so again, i went up to the front and whispered to driver and Mr. Fir "i guess somebody has just passed out some solid waste in pants".you know what the driver said "OH~ no wonder i've been smelling it!". i was like what?? Mr. Fir was laughing in pain and said "haha, how absurd that person is! i have never faced this situation ever since my first day of teaching! how could a senior shit in pants?" he then asked me "what should we do now?". i guess we should make a stop and figure out who the poopy is and clean the solid waste. so the next stop would be like 40 minutes after. so nothing else we could do but to endure the unexpected pain.

during the 40 minutes, i got back to my seat and wrapped my face again. the discussion of poopy person was still on air. i couldn't involve as i could not even talk. it was seriously killing me. then the bus came to halt. "OK, whoever wants to use the bathroom, they can do so!" said Mr.Fir. i saw some random girls and boys running, or walked incredibly fast, to bathroom. the smell was still there. i also got out from that bus, after a while. Mr.Fir approached me and asked "now what are we going to do? is the smell still there?". me and my friends had to check and yes it was. and there were also some people in the bus too. i suspect poopy guy must be among them. so i suggested compulsory evacuation. i then announced "everybody must leave the bus because we have some aircond problem." how did i come with that idea? i don't know. so i stepped aside and waited. everybody left the bus. the bus now had no passenger. suddenly, before anything happened, a friend of mine, Ka, called me loudly. "Iwe! Iwe! (iwe was my nickname back there in school time [pronounced E-Where]) come take a look at this!" i went there and take a close look. i saw a group of poops scattered on the floor and stair of the bus! it was really disgusting! that thing was just like a feet away from my face! i blamed my eyes for not seeing it clearly before! and i was running like hell and at the same time Ka kept calling my name, loudly "Iwe! Iwe!" it was actually louder than before. and everybody, i mean everybody who was on that trip, had their eyes on me, running to a hidden spot behind the bathroom. i vomited.

there was some concern group of friends came see me asking me whether i was ok or not. after that, again, we chatted and took pictures. after some time, one guy came to us and he looked at me strangely "Iwe, why are you here?" i am here because i need to puke and i cannot stand the smell. "Oh, really? you know what, everybody thought you are the one who shit in pants! and actually, me too." i was like what?? what makes you guys say so?he then added"we saw you were running covering your face while Ka was calling your name". damn you Ka. yes, if i look back in another point of view, it really looked like i was the poopy guy. oh my God. i gotta clean my name. i went to where everybody gathered and claimed i was not the poopy guy and explained it. i hoped nobody missed that press-conference. while i was cleaning my name, i saw Chic, Jaws, and Indo were cleaning the bus. and there was Mr.Poopy! he just went out of the bathroom. he got everyone's eyes on him. he went in the bus to join the cleaning team. sorry friends, i couldn't join you guys because i had to clean something more important than a mode of transportation - my name and reputation. just after he got on the bus, the cleaners unfold all curtains. smart move. i let you guys enjoy your time with the real Mr.Poopy - Jack!!

cleaning job had been done well. the bus was now contamination-free. the cleaning team got mad at me because i was not joining them cleaning the bus. sorry! just after we got ourself on that bus again, we pretended like nothing had happened. like everything came to plan, this song, which was really popular that time, was played on radio and we were all singing along. real sweet time!

on the way back. i figured out what actually happened. Jack couldn't hold to take his shit out. he was too shy to tell his personal excuse to Mr.Fir. it happened that he sat next to an untalkative (taciturn) guy. so that reticent guy did not say anything but cover up his face with his sweater like he was sleeping. my friends Chic, Jaws, Indo and I ended up to sit at the very front seat. somebody had taken our seat and nobody was sitting on once-initial-poopy-base. as soon as we arrived at our school, Mr.Fir told us not to talk about this anymore. YET, he talked about it publicly few days later. and you know what Jack said? "I really wonder who did that..". yeah, right! i also did not know who he was! it was really some great experience i had as student, friend and negotiator (?) . it was a rare teaching experience for Mr.Fir. Mr.Fir, it was once in a lifetime chance to experience that. it would not happen twice.anywhere, anytime. seriously. and there he goes - still breathing up to this date. so what do you guys think? isn't it a trip for smart asses?