dude, i have a question for ya

the worst week of my (summer II) life just ended like yesterday. it's not like anything terribly messed up with life or something; it's just that i don't want it to be happened again.

it started with me going to the city with some visiting friends. well, i'm not sure how to describe it but i may say it was a little bit tiring - for strolling almost 7 or 8 hours. so that night, i went back home with a mind preparing for a big tomorrow.

tomorrow, which was not that big actually, was the day i was supposed to move out of my CC apartment to Claustrophobic Penalty Area or best described as CPA. it started with having my friend got lost in Hoboken, in his way to park car at Stevens. almost 3 hours were spent to look for him and thank God; the car he driven was found, nicely parked, at Stevens. he showed up as we were just about to look for him. honestly, i don't really like moving in or out - because it is tiring, tedious, and time-consuming. i had to go at 12-ish as i had a scheduled meeting with my group mates (even though we, biologically programmed, know that doing anything that has something to do with academic, or any form of academic work, or academically influenced work, is naturally sick if it is done or being done on Sunday). to short the story, we managed to get the project done by 5 something and just had to meet the next day to work on slides and paper. either way, whether the academic work is done or not, i still had to move my stuffs out. poop. i had to stop when it was about 1 or 2am because i couldn't do it anymore. plus, i guessed we had move majority, or at least the big ones, of our stuffs to CPA - before we found out it is not, later day.

Monday morning started at 12.36pm as i planned to take a short nap after Subuh prayer - i know it is short, really. i could have just gone to class after getting prepared; BUT, i couldn't because i found out that, by any means, i have to wear other pair of pants unless i want another big embarrassing moment of my life. i could not wear this one, the one i should have put on, because of certain reasons. since i had moved almost of my stuffs, including clothes, most importantly, i got nothing else to wear. i should have brought a complete set of going-to-class apparel rather than just a pair of boxer short and t-shirt. i got no choice but to put the pants in where it belonged - washing machine. so, washing took only 12 minutes but i was not going to go to school with all-wet jeans or else i would have been thought super freak. then, i got to dry it out! this was the most time-consuming, wasting actually, process. i was like oh God, i just learned that, after drying the jeans for a normal-dry length of time, it came out half-of-half, or quarter, redundantly, dry. i was so upset to repeat the whole process but this time i switched to more-dry mode- in which i should have done earlier. it was like 50 minutes passed 1 already and i just missed the whole point of going to class. so i decided not to go and just laid down on my bed, under warming blanket, waiting for my pants, my only pants at that moment, to be dried. shall i call it the first oversleeping day? i may.

Tuesday, the class supposedly started at 10am. i am not really a morning person, especially for academic purpose, to start my day as early as 8 (yet, 10am is also considered early). so, putting all blames on that very nature of mine, i overslept; only this time, i woke up at 1.13pm - if i am not mistaken. like a car accident, this one might be considered total lost as the class should have ended precisely 1 hour 13 minutes ago. unknowingly, no, unconsciously, i also missed one lab session that i could have gone at 4.15pm yesterday. i only could remember that i had to make that up at 5, on Tuesday. so, i was just making my self feel really bad after having the TA (teaching assistant) waited for me for 10 minutes later than the promised time; and still, he allowed me, and also helped me, answering pre-lab quiz of Fluid lab - that other students took it, for some obvious reason i don't really know, one day earlier. this should be the ultimate oversleeping day - as you may discover later.

Wednesday, i reached the door of the class just 4 minutes after lecture started! that could be considered as the biggest success of the week. so it turned out to look like it's a normal day for me until i noticed that i did not bring experiment note to Fluid lab at 4.15pm. honestly, i also almost missed that lab. so, as i am (being) trained to be good engineer, i should come out with a solution! that is basically what engineers do. with hidden sense of guilty, i just roughly sketched a 17 rows table, and another one next, and began jotting down data. seriously, it was ugly. after a moment, the TA successfully, and clearly, saw the tables and again, successfully, pretended like he did not see anything stupid. my feeling at that moment is exactly like a fat boy farting in the middle of library in Harvard Medical School in peak hour. i went back to CC to pick up what i left and accumulatively, they were like one big box, two medium boxes, several small boxes, and one big luggage, that required two trip of cab back-to-back. i was all alone that night in CPA. as the saying goes: characteristic is when you are alone, i did a lot of stupid things, all alone, in which are not really suitable to be written here. oh, one of them might be educational - experimenting (more like playing) with pupil.

Thursday, i woke up at 4.03am!....and i slept back and woke up again at 5.38am -no sahur that day. and i, again, slept back and woke up at 12.56pm. i was like what? another oversleeping day? yes. it's just that the class started at 1pm. so, shower and getting dressed took almost 20 minutes and there you go, i made to class 30 minutes before the-famous-11am-break. as the break started, the professor, or best referred as prof. XXX, called my name "Muhammad Khairun!" he then continued "Here is your midterm, lecture note for chapter 7 and.." he paused,"the second midterm." he said. "You were not here right? it is supposed to be handed today because i gave it on Tuesday. These students have two days to do it but i give you until tomorrow morning. SO you only have one night to do it.OK?" he gently spoke to me. i was like Wow! i did not even know there was a midterm. plus, i did not even tell him that i am sorry for not taking the midterm on time. in addition, he is so nice to give me that chance...i acted cool and said "Alright, thank you." if i did not take this midterm, seriously, the earlier midterm, that is almost perfect score, would have gone vain. so that night, (yes i started to do it late) i worked all night long to do the midterm. no wonder it is a take-home; it's because the solution is super-long! two pages would be just enough to solve the Navier-Stokes equation.

Friday, just a few minutes before Subuh, i managed to finish all the questions. i had my sahur and performed Subuh prayer and again~ took a supposedly-short-nap. i woke up late and came to class 15 minutes before it ended. those people in the class was like just seeing a clown getting in the class. i handed my midterm at the end of the class and a friend of mine came and said "hey redz, i have a question for you. did you oversleep?" wow! how did he know?? dude, it has been a week, man. as long as a week!!! he continued while LOL-ing (with several others too) "I was like what the f***? what the hell is he doing here? you came in like just 15 minutes before the class ends" he then said "You know right you don't have to come?". Yes i am fully aware that i could just not to come but i have to submit my midterm!! well, that makes me what i am. from as early as kindergarten up to this date, i am always associated with sleeping things -it always has something to do with sleeping.uh...

that evening, i received one good news while me and several other undergraduates were making fun of this Ph.D student while he is presenting. the professor is so mad at him and yet he was able to come out with question like this :" what are you talking about? my work or my presentation?". Professor could not stand anymore and he just had to laugh - painfully. oh, what was that good news? i will tell it later. so we, Stevens students, went to Mission to have our iftar there.

and next morning, which is on 08/21/2010, i figured out why i have always been oversleeping. it is because my phone alarm does not work anymore! it doesn't make any sound! it just vibrates! arghh! you are iPhone and that's the best you can come out with?? well, it's time to change to a new one. poop.

motivation

alhamdulillah after a while I haven't written anything, and have been writing about petty things, i now know why my writing style has changed. i used to write analytically, or at least i think i did, but it was quite sometime ago. i thought the great lost i had was the cause; but i am sure that i am (slightly) wrong. i know that i have no motivation to write about certain topics.

i am not saying i was a good writer; but, at least i can say that i had the attempt to become one. a good writer is the one whom i define to write analytically to give a beneficial impact or input to the readers with a blog-friendly style. it was totally not my intention to write "academically'; but, i am glad to quote Ust. Hasrizal in his blog saifulislam.com saying " broken glass and broken glass, bad language I read pun lazy". sorry, that was what google translate says. haha. actually what he was saying was "pecah kaca pecah gelas, rosak bahasa nak baca pun malas." yeah, i realize and wondering what is wrong with writing appropriately?

come back to the motivation i was talking about; really, i don't find any good to write like before. it feels like my head now is not for that kind of subject anymore. but i guess that is somewhat close to the definition of blogging - reflection of writers onto their writing. maturity and way-of-thinking really affect your writing style. you may find one endlessly writes about his emotional problems, like, thought of suicide, feeling lost, longing of nonexistent things or things alike. well, those are what currently playing in his head. need i say more?

still, up to this paragraph, i still don't discuss about motivation. relax, i am an easy-going guy. let's us be more realistic; before you do something, you must be interested in it first. for example, how can a guy, who can't afford for expensive things, is willing to spend thousands on his camera (or precisely, photography)? then he must be dying for good pictures! that means he must have an extremely strong bond with photography! or, generally speaking, he is interested with photography. isn't it so? and the same things happen to writing.

now, i am wondering, what kind of motivation am i talking about? what kind of things i want to write or discuss? good questions, finally. shall i say it here? should i make this entry more general? should i? could i? oh no. okay, looking back at my old posts, i found out that i was so into politics, economy, religion, and things alike. but after sometime, i found that i had no interest to write about them. why? simply because i don't have any motivation. yes. motivation comes after interest ignited. writing starts after motivation triggered. so i guess that is the flow.

one more good question. what made me stop? it was because i found politics are boring, childish, oppressive, foolish, and deceptive. religion? I AM NOT LOSING MY GRIP, it just that i am still looking for good topic, that i understand well, to write. economy? baaaahhh. i rather write about guitar. yeah, did i tell i play guitar? the other reason is that my head now is kind of full of questions sound more like "what is wrong with me now?", "have i do anything wrong?". i may need a recharge like going to educational-motivational-and-spiritual talk. or maybe like having discussion or just simply conversation with some brains. isn't it?

anyway, anyhow i just found out that, again, this entry is (still) about me. should i sigh? no...certainly unnecessary :D

Power of the Power

dua malam yang lepas...aku mengalami kejadian yang sangat aneh..mungkin kerana kuasa mindaku yang tidak dapat dikawal telah melampaui batas2 ubi, siri kejadian pelik telah mengantuiku.

ianya bermula semasa aku berada di kawasan yang berlumpur.lumpur berwarna kelabu. akan tetapi hatiku berasa sangat nyaman. aku berjalan-jalan dalam lumpur tersebut. secara tiba-tiba, aku terjumpa dua orang anak kecil.lelaki. mereka bertanya, adakah aku bercakap dalam bahasa Spanish? pada mulanya aku agak terkejut akan tetapi aku berasa sangat teruja selepas memperkenalkan diriku. kami berbual-bual untuk seketika waktu dan aku terpaksa meninggalkan mereka bermain lumpur kerana aku terpaksa pergi ke suatu tempat.

aku tiba di sebuah kawasan tepi perairan di Hoboken. langit sudah gelap dan awan kelabu mula kelihatan di celah2 pencakar langit. baik, aku sudah tidak punya banyak masa lagi. lantas aku terus terbang membelah awan. aku melepasi pulau ini, pulau itu yang di atasnya penuh dengan bangunan bercahaya. aku perlu pergi ke suatu destinasi yang secara tiba2 ditetapkan dalam pemikiran logik ku. aku terbang laju dan laju lagi lantas aku mula nampak tempat yang aku mahukan.

ia adalah kawasan sekolah pondok tempat orang mengaji agama. kawasan itu berkabus dan dipenuhi pondok yang sebenar-benar pondok. ada dalam dua tiga pondok dalam satu pulau kecil.

secara tiba2 aku ada mindset bahawa aku bukan seorang manusia biasa jadi aku bercadang untuk menyorokkan identiti aku. aku terhempas ke tanah sehingga bertaburan tanah sekeliling kerana aku tak mahu ada orang nampak aku. aku terus berlari ke arah bilik wudhu'. bagaimana aku tahu ia bilik wudhu'? gambaran itu juga datang tiba2.yang pelik dengan bilik tersebut kerana ia hanya dilengkapi shower.tapi shower nye berlumut dan ada tanah.tapi aku tidak kisah kerana aku membasuh kotoran pada diriku walau ada sedikit jijik.secara tiba2 ramai pelajar sekolah pondok memenuhi bilik wudhu' tersebut untuk mengambil wudhu'.mereka tidak perasan akan kehadiran aku. jadi aku pun turut mengambil wudhu' seperti mereka. kami masuk ke dalam satu chamber. disitu aku terjumpa seorang pelajar Stevens yang mengaji di sekolah pondok tersebut. beliau mengatakan pengetua sekolah itu seorang yang garang sambil menunjukkan ke arah seseorang. ada seorang lelaki yang sedang tertawa akan tetapi apabila perkataan garang itu keluar dari mulut rakanku ini, tiba2 wajahnya berubah garang. cis..

kami kini berada di luar, di dalam sebuah parit yang berada di luar penglihatan orang. rupa2nya beliau tahu aku siapa. jadi kami berbincang bagaimana untuk identitiku tidak diketahui orang. kami agak bimbang, tapi entah mengapa tidak tahu.beliau bertanya, bagaimana aku mahu menjawap jika pengetua tanya aku datang dengan apa.takkan aku nak jawap aku terbang.tiba2 aku ternampak seekor unta.entah siapa punya pun aku tak tahu.bagaimana unta hidup di pulau pun aku tak pasti.aku terus menyatakan bahawa aku akan katakan yang aku datang dengan unta tersebut.entah tiada apa yang menyuruhku, aku berlari ke arah unta itu dengan mencelah di celah2 pondok.

aku kini menghadap pengetua. beliau gelak2 tapi aku cuak. tiba2 apa yang berada di hadapanku adalah sedulang hidangan makanan. Oh! aku sangat lapar~ lantas aku pun tuang air dan makan. beliau memandangku dengan sangat pelik. beliau merenungku tajam. apa ada dalam kepalaku? oh! hari itu adalah first ramadhan! aku sangat lapar dan ada makanan yang sedang dikunyah dalam mulut. aku sangat lapar dan aku juga sangat takut. bayangkan berada di hadapan pengetua sekolah pondok dan anda tidak puasa.makan pulak tu depan dia.dia tak suruh pun.aku sangat takut dan aku hampir terbang.aku pejamkan mata kuat2!

dan aku pun terbangun.itulah mimpi orang tak cukup tidur.aku bangun untuk solat subuh dan tidur sebentar.

balik sahaja dari sekolah, aku solat zohor dan kononnya ingin mengambil power nap. tapi nap itu memang power menyebabkan aku tertidur dari pukul 2 sampai pukul 7. terbit pula rasa menyesal. jadi untuk menyebabkan aku tidur malam, aku kena exercise. jadi aku meletihkan diri untuk mendapatkan tidur yang berkualiti di malam hari. tapi lain yang jadi, aku memang letih dan mengantuk tetapi aku tidak dapat tidur langsung. aku dengar semua perbualan rakan serumah sampai la ke subuh. mungkin aku tertidur sebentar tapi aku jamin ia tidak lebih dari 15 minit. macam power nap. lepas subuh pun aku tak boleh tidur lagi. hadoi. pukul 10 aku baru je melelapkan mata tiba2 orang insurance call la pulak!!! oi! bukan senang nak tido! jadi bagi mengelakkan kejadian sama berulang, aku fully awake untuk bercakap dengan beliau. exactly orang yang sama. nasib baik berita gembira..jadi aku memang tak boleh tidur lepas tu. sabar je lah..kini aku masih tak tidur dan aku agak cuak nak mengambil power nap yang sangat power tu. maka aku tuliskan kisah ini agar ia menjadi iktibar.ada ke?

look back

i just look back at my posts..i mean super previous posts, the prehistorical posts of mine..and i was like, what? was i like that? and now, i am not sure i am the same guy. do i change? or did I? or have I? well, whatever it is, there's still a long day waiting. not sure when it ends. =)

Haha

i just translated my post "Bawang oh Bawang" in English using google-translate and it was.... hilarious! haha~

the 50%

why do i share things with my blog? it is because there is nobody (else) i could share things with. i'm talking about people who are not willing to share stories and the like (there is none as i may recall) - there are people who are always ready to listen, few of them. i am so eternally grateful for having you guys; thank you so much. but, it is not as the same as telling it to someone who was close to you - someone who has known you for quite some time; or precisely saying, someone who has taken care of you and has raised you up from the first second you were brought to this world. i am not trying to be cute here but it is just an expression of my feeling that i have been suffering, if i may say so, for quite some times. it used to be just freely sharing things around with no tiring boundaries; but the comfort is now not available anymore. sounds like a crybaby, huh? strictly speaking, no one else i could trust more than i did before. it's like all the laughter, the joy and the smile have been snapped off, just like that. again, i always have this thought in my head that everything is merely a learning process. will i ever get the replacement? i am not sure. the maturity, the rationality, and the wisdom, that has been comforting me ever since, is no longer there. everything falls all over the places. i got to pick one by one, to swallow some and reject almost everything, and to enjoy almost nothing. i believe there will be true happiness but i am not sure in what form it is - as long as i am searching for the truth. that's why i tell you, blog, everything because it feels like i am telling another myself and somehow i feel better. in addition, the good thing is, it doesn't offer me such things unless i am looking for it. i would get it if i need it. was it another way saying i am arrogant? no, but do me a favor to ask yourselves: why would you have something you don't need?

don't save money on milk

So..i want to share something!! just now, as i figured that my milk has gone bad, i went up to my friends' room to check out if there got some milk for me. I, dressed in a pink semi-formal collar shirt with worn out jeans, held a big green mug, to be filled with fresh milk, on my way to sixth floor. there was a sleeping mask, just happened that i brought it along, in my back pocket. nice, one of them was playing video game while the other one was enjoying movie. so i decided to get some movies from his hard disk - after i half-filled the mug with milk. without my full consciousness, i put the sleeping mask on my head - covering my forehead. i got myself to the elevator and i hit number "4". as usual, the door closed and i was going down. in the out of sudden, the elevator went to halt on 5th floor and there was a guy, holding two neatly-ironed shirts on his right hand, made his move into the elevator. he was looking at me for a moment. what he was seeing was a boy in pink shirt with sleeping mask on his forehead holding a green mug filled with milk in his right hand and a hard-disk drive in the other hand - smiling and said "Weird huh?". He pretended not to see me while i know he was hiding his smile and said "What? the door? yeah..". Okay, now the door is weird. thank you for not discouraging me down. Good night buddy.

i need to work more on describing things...