the 50%

why do i share things with my blog? it is because there is nobody (else) i could share things with. i'm talking about people who are not willing to share stories and the like (there is none as i may recall) - there are people who are always ready to listen, few of them. i am so eternally grateful for having you guys; thank you so much. but, it is not as the same as telling it to someone who was close to you - someone who has known you for quite some time; or precisely saying, someone who has taken care of you and has raised you up from the first second you were brought to this world. i am not trying to be cute here but it is just an expression of my feeling that i have been suffering, if i may say so, for quite some times. it used to be just freely sharing things around with no tiring boundaries; but the comfort is now not available anymore. sounds like a crybaby, huh? strictly speaking, no one else i could trust more than i did before. it's like all the laughter, the joy and the smile have been snapped off, just like that. again, i always have this thought in my head that everything is merely a learning process. will i ever get the replacement? i am not sure. the maturity, the rationality, and the wisdom, that has been comforting me ever since, is no longer there. everything falls all over the places. i got to pick one by one, to swallow some and reject almost everything, and to enjoy almost nothing. i believe there will be true happiness but i am not sure in what form it is - as long as i am searching for the truth. that's why i tell you, blog, everything because it feels like i am telling another myself and somehow i feel better. in addition, the good thing is, it doesn't offer me such things unless i am looking for it. i would get it if i need it. was it another way saying i am arrogant? no, but do me a favor to ask yourselves: why would you have something you don't need?