Sunday, October 24, 2010


The word POYO

I have been hearing this word since I was in primary school – perhaps, same goes to everyone else. What does this word mean? Well, according to few people I met, they said that the word means beautiful in Javanese language; but, as far as I am concern, the word POYO that I have been familiarized with does not carry that meaning. Instead, in Malaysian Urban Dictionary, it says “Malaysian slang for a person who doesn’t realize how fag he/she is, shameless action, self boasting”. I must admit, it shall be true sometime. On the other hand, I try my best to minimize the usage of this word because I found that this word is extremely DANGEROUS.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

memory of blasphemy! oh, smart ass (really)

we, engineers wannabe, were so excited knowing that there would be a trip to Universiti Teknologi Petronas (UTP), a renowned university in Malaysia, once my dream university. that trip, which was exclusively for top 20 MARA trial scorers for engineers, would be remembered for the rest of my life.

it was 4 am in the morning; yet, the students who signed up for that trip had prepared to board on bus from MRSM Serting to UTP. i could see tired (for not having enough sleep) yet excited faces - as i was among of them, too. we were all dressed in our formal/official attire, if i could say so, the baju batik. the smartest (neat) dress after LDP (Students Disciplinary Board) attire.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

series of events

alright, i am not going to write this post in academic manner. there will be no thesis statement, elaboration and things alike. anyway, let me start with what happen last weeks. i figured out that i haven't updated my blog ever since. i was really busy.

it was my final week for summer II. i had 2 finals - design of machine components and fluid mechanics. well, something that has been discouraging me ever since that i don't think i did well during fluids final because i didn't have enough sleep. i was also preparing for my interview that was also on the same day. so because i don't have enough confidence, though i actually was, i studied all night long - although i am supposed to be programmed,by past experience, to become aware the fact that it should have been done earlier. i didn't want it to end up like dynamics (because the same thing happen! full mark for tests and quizzes but messed up in the final). so as the result haven't come out yet, i just can pray and pray. on the other hand, i am so surprised with my machine components. i did not expect i get that grade, though. thanks God. well, design of machine components was a take home final and should had been done in three days. because of procrastination disease rooted deep inside me, i did it 4 hours before its due. (p/s: though, i wasn't the last one to hand the final)

ah, speaking of interview, i did not know what i did wrong but it's just not meant to be my job. well, i don't meet the requirement - having a valid driving license.

and also, there are like 30 of newly come (Malaysian, for sure,) students to Stevens. please God, give me strength to do what is right for me, them and everybody. and also, i have, successfully, if i CAN say so, got out from any position in MASA. well actually people don't like me so i am not voted - that is the real story. i am just making it like i was important. anyway, i don't have any official power to say anything but, trust me, deep inside i feel responsible to do what's right. i think, am sure, i would say, they think i am snobbish. well, i can live with that. it has been my first impression ever since my first interaction with human species.

ah! i had my friends, Ijem, Azhari, and Pobin visiting New York and eventually me! it was a lot of fun. i haven't been so happy since i don't know when. we did a lot of things including drawing six packs on our tummy~ :D

but now, they are now safely return to their own habitat. until next time. and so my classes has started. i am so advance that i don't know what else i should enroll in. unlike any other normal students, i am now doing 2nd semester of junior year with a class from senior year. isn't that advance? it is. why? it is because i had prepared to work during fall yet i don't have chance to do so. well, i am not really upset as i know there is a bless in disguise for no matter what happen and things happen always for reason.

and yeah! speaking of class, i was initially planning to do minor in engineering management. in order to do so, i got to take four classes. one of them, which is the most critical one, is accounting and business analysis. i missed the first class because i needed to take some sleep. really i need to because i didn't have a really good-night sleep and the classes was like from 8 to 2.30pm non-stop without any gap. what the duck!! so i just went to the class yesterday. i was a few minutes late. there was an old man, standing in the middle of class and staring at screen in front of the class. he was, like he has been thousand times rehearsed, smoothly explained the slide; yet, i don't have any single clue what he was talking about. i still remember i missed the first class of Differential Equation and i got a real bad grade for it. so i don't want the same thing to happen again. and also, it was terribly boring that i was just sitting and staring for 3 minutes and i went out of the class and erased my name from attendance list and i dropped that class! tadaaa!! it happened in incredible speed; isn't it? and three minutes is actually long enough for me to make up my mind to not doing minor while thinking of doing minor took me about three semester. seriously i don't understand at all what he was saying - cash cow, harvest, invest, divest, importance grid. wtf (what the fish) are them?plus, the slide was not attractive and interactive at all.

so it was just moment after i dropped that class i realized that i only had 13 credits for this semester. i was like what?? only 13. and i started going crazy. i went to see dean to enroll in technogenesis but sorry that class is only for seniors and E 355 (engineering economics), which i am taking right now, is the pre-requisite course. so only after hours of trying and error to put up some classes that i wish to retake, i came out with a solution to take technical elective course. thanks God there was a friend of mine, who is senior right now, taking that class too. so yeah, my credit is now 16. even though i am not really satisfied but i think it is enough. so i guess that would be all. thank you! :D

Saturday, August 21, 2010

dude, i have a question for ya

the worst week of my (summer II) life just ended like yesterday. it's not like anything terribly messed up with life or something; it's just that i don't want it to be happened again.

it started with me going to the city with some visiting friends. well, i'm not sure how to describe it but i may say it was a little bit tiring - for strolling almost 7 or 8 hours. so that night, i went back home with a mind preparing for a big tomorrow.

tomorrow, which was not that big actually, was the day i was supposed to move out of my CC apartment to Claustrophobic Penalty Area or best described as CPA. it started with having my friend got lost in Hoboken, in his way to park car at Stevens. almost 3 hours were spent to look for him and thank God; the car he driven was found, nicely parked, at Stevens. he showed up as we were just about to look for him. honestly, i don't really like moving in or out - because it is tiring, tedious, and time-consuming. i had to go at 12-ish as i had a scheduled meeting with my group mates (even though we, biologically programmed, know that doing anything that has something to do with academic, or any form of academic work, or academically influenced work, is naturally sick if it is done or being done on Sunday). to short the story, we managed to get the project done by 5 something and just had to meet the next day to work on slides and paper. either way, whether the academic work is done or not, i still had to move my stuffs out. poop. i had to stop when it was about 1 or 2am because i couldn't do it anymore. plus, i guessed we had move majority, or at least the big ones, of our stuffs to CPA - before we found out it is not, later day.

Monday morning started at 12.36pm as i planned to take a short nap after Subuh prayer - i know it is short, really. i could have just gone to class after getting prepared; BUT, i couldn't because i found out that, by any means, i have to wear other pair of pants unless i want another big embarrassing moment of my life. i could not wear this one, the one i should have put on, because of certain reasons. since i had moved almost of my stuffs, including clothes, most importantly, i got nothing else to wear. i should have brought a complete set of going-to-class apparel rather than just a pair of boxer short and t-shirt. i got no choice but to put the pants in where it belonged - washing machine. so, washing took only 12 minutes but i was not going to go to school with all-wet jeans or else i would have been thought super freak. then, i got to dry it out! this was the most time-consuming, wasting actually, process. i was like oh God, i just learned that, after drying the jeans for a normal-dry length of time, it came out half-of-half, or quarter, redundantly, dry. i was so upset to repeat the whole process but this time i switched to more-dry mode- in which i should have done earlier. it was like 50 minutes passed 1 already and i just missed the whole point of going to class. so i decided not to go and just laid down on my bed, under warming blanket, waiting for my pants, my only pants at that moment, to be dried. shall i call it the first oversleeping day? i may.

Tuesday, the class supposedly started at 10am. i am not really a morning person, especially for academic purpose, to start my day as early as 8 (yet, 10am is also considered early). so, putting all blames on that very nature of mine, i overslept; only this time, i woke up at 1.13pm - if i am not mistaken. like a car accident, this one might be considered total lost as the class should have ended precisely 1 hour 13 minutes ago. unknowingly, no, unconsciously, i also missed one lab session that i could have gone at 4.15pm yesterday. i only could remember that i had to make that up at 5, on Tuesday. so, i was just making my self feel really bad after having the TA (teaching assistant) waited for me for 10 minutes later than the promised time; and still, he allowed me, and also helped me, answering pre-lab quiz of Fluid lab - that other students took it, for some obvious reason i don't really know, one day earlier. this should be the ultimate oversleeping day - as you may discover later.

Wednesday, i reached the door of the class just 4 minutes after lecture started! that could be considered as the biggest success of the week. so it turned out to look like it's a normal day for me until i noticed that i did not bring experiment note to Fluid lab at 4.15pm. honestly, i also almost missed that lab. so, as i am (being) trained to be good engineer, i should come out with a solution! that is basically what engineers do. with hidden sense of guilty, i just roughly sketched a 17 rows table, and another one next, and began jotting down data. seriously, it was ugly. after a moment, the TA successfully, and clearly, saw the tables and again, successfully, pretended like he did not see anything stupid. my feeling at that moment is exactly like a fat boy farting in the middle of library in Harvard Medical School in peak hour. i went back to CC to pick up what i left and accumulatively, they were like one big box, two medium boxes, several small boxes, and one big luggage, that required two trip of cab back-to-back. i was all alone that night in CPA. as the saying goes: characteristic is when you are alone, i did a lot of stupid things, all alone, in which are not really suitable to be written here. oh, one of them might be educational - experimenting (more like playing) with pupil.

Thursday, i woke up at 4.03am!....and i slept back and woke up again at 5.38am -no sahur that day. and i, again, slept back and woke up at 12.56pm. i was like what? another oversleeping day? yes. it's just that the class started at 1pm. so, shower and getting dressed took almost 20 minutes and there you go, i made to class 30 minutes before the-famous-11am-break. as the break started, the professor, or best referred as prof. XXX, called my name "Muhammad Khairun!" he then continued "Here is your midterm, lecture note for chapter 7 and.." he paused,"the second midterm." he said. "You were not here right? it is supposed to be handed today because i gave it on Tuesday. These students have two days to do it but i give you until tomorrow morning. SO you only have one night to do it.OK?" he gently spoke to me. i was like Wow! i did not even know there was a midterm. plus, i did not even tell him that i am sorry for not taking the midterm on time. in addition, he is so nice to give me that chance...i acted cool and said "Alright, thank you." if i did not take this midterm, seriously, the earlier midterm, that is almost perfect score, would have gone vain. so that night, (yes i started to do it late) i worked all night long to do the midterm. no wonder it is a take-home; it's because the solution is super-long! two pages would be just enough to solve the Navier-Stokes equation.

Friday, just a few minutes before Subuh, i managed to finish all the questions. i had my sahur and performed Subuh prayer and again~ took a supposedly-short-nap. i woke up late and came to class 15 minutes before it ended. those people in the class was like just seeing a clown getting in the class. i handed my midterm at the end of the class and a friend of mine came and said "hey redz, i have a question for you. did you oversleep?" wow! how did he know?? dude, it has been a week, man. as long as a week!!! he continued while LOL-ing (with several others too) "I was like what the f***? what the hell is he doing here? you came in like just 15 minutes before the class ends" he then said "You know right you don't have to come?". Yes i am fully aware that i could just not to come but i have to submit my midterm!! well, that makes me what i am. from as early as kindergarten up to this date, i am always associated with sleeping things -it always has something to do with sleeping.uh...

that evening, i received one good news while me and several other undergraduates were making fun of this Ph.D student while he is presenting. the professor is so mad at him and yet he was able to come out with question like this :" what are you talking about? my work or my presentation?". Professor could not stand anymore and he just had to laugh - painfully. oh, what was that good news? i will tell it later. so we, Stevens students, went to Mission to have our iftar there.

and next morning, which is on 08/21/2010, i figured out why i have always been oversleeping. it is because my phone alarm does not work anymore! it doesn't make any sound! it just vibrates! arghh! you are iPhone and that's the best you can come out with?? well, it's time to change to a new one. poop.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


alhamdulillah after a while I haven't written anything, and have been writing about petty things, i now know why my writing style has changed. i used to write analytically, or at least i think i did, but it was quite sometime ago. i thought the great lost i had was the cause; but i am sure that i am (slightly) wrong. i know that i have no motivation to write about certain topics.

i am not saying i was a good writer; but, at least i can say that i had the attempt to become one. a good writer is the one whom i define to write analytically to give a beneficial impact or input to the readers with a blog-friendly style. it was totally not my intention to write "academically'; but, i am glad to quote Ust. Hasrizal in his blog saying " broken glass and broken glass, bad language I read pun lazy". sorry, that was what google translate says. haha. actually what he was saying was "pecah kaca pecah gelas, rosak bahasa nak baca pun malas." yeah, i realize and wondering what is wrong with writing appropriately?

come back to the motivation i was talking about; really, i don't find any good to write like before. it feels like my head now is not for that kind of subject anymore. but i guess that is somewhat close to the definition of blogging - reflection of writers onto their writing. maturity and way-of-thinking really affect your writing style. you may find one endlessly writes about his emotional problems, like, thought of suicide, feeling lost, longing of nonexistent things or things alike. well, those are what currently playing in his head. need i say more?

still, up to this paragraph, i still don't discuss about motivation. relax, i am an easy-going guy. let's us be more realistic; before you do something, you must be interested in it first. for example, how can a guy, who can't afford for expensive things, is willing to spend thousands on his camera (or precisely, photography)? then he must be dying for good pictures! that means he must have an extremely strong bond with photography! or, generally speaking, he is interested with photography. isn't it so? and the same things happen to writing.

now, i am wondering, what kind of motivation am i talking about? what kind of things i want to write or discuss? good questions, finally. shall i say it here? should i make this entry more general? should i? could i? oh no. okay, looking back at my old posts, i found out that i was so into politics, economy, religion, and things alike. but after sometime, i found that i had no interest to write about them. why? simply because i don't have any motivation. yes. motivation comes after interest ignited. writing starts after motivation triggered. so i guess that is the flow.

one more good question. what made me stop? it was because i found politics are boring, childish, oppressive, foolish, and deceptive. religion? I AM NOT LOSING MY GRIP, it just that i am still looking for good topic, that i understand well, to write. economy? baaaahhh. i rather write about guitar. yeah, did i tell i play guitar? the other reason is that my head now is kind of full of questions sound more like "what is wrong with me now?", "have i do anything wrong?". i may need a recharge like going to educational-motivational-and-spiritual talk. or maybe like having discussion or just simply conversation with some brains. isn't it?

anyway, anyhow i just found out that, again, this entry is (still) about me. should i sigh? no...certainly unnecessary :D

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Power of the Power

dua malam yang lepas...aku mengalami kejadian yang sangat aneh..mungkin kerana kuasa mindaku yang tidak dapat dikawal telah melampaui batas2 ubi, siri kejadian pelik telah mengantuiku.

ianya bermula semasa aku berada di kawasan yang berlumpur.lumpur berwarna kelabu. akan tetapi hatiku berasa sangat nyaman. aku berjalan-jalan dalam lumpur tersebut. secara tiba-tiba, aku terjumpa dua orang anak kecil.lelaki. mereka bertanya, adakah aku bercakap dalam bahasa Spanish? pada mulanya aku agak terkejut akan tetapi aku berasa sangat teruja selepas memperkenalkan diriku. kami berbual-bual untuk seketika waktu dan aku terpaksa meninggalkan mereka bermain lumpur kerana aku terpaksa pergi ke suatu tempat.

aku tiba di sebuah kawasan tepi perairan di Hoboken. langit sudah gelap dan awan kelabu mula kelihatan di celah2 pencakar langit. baik, aku sudah tidak punya banyak masa lagi. lantas aku terus terbang membelah awan. aku melepasi pulau ini, pulau itu yang di atasnya penuh dengan bangunan bercahaya. aku perlu pergi ke suatu destinasi yang secara tiba2 ditetapkan dalam pemikiran logik ku. aku terbang laju dan laju lagi lantas aku mula nampak tempat yang aku mahukan.

ia adalah kawasan sekolah pondok tempat orang mengaji agama. kawasan itu berkabus dan dipenuhi pondok yang sebenar-benar pondok. ada dalam dua tiga pondok dalam satu pulau kecil.

secara tiba2 aku ada mindset bahawa aku bukan seorang manusia biasa jadi aku bercadang untuk menyorokkan identiti aku. aku terhempas ke tanah sehingga bertaburan tanah sekeliling kerana aku tak mahu ada orang nampak aku. aku terus berlari ke arah bilik wudhu'. bagaimana aku tahu ia bilik wudhu'? gambaran itu juga datang tiba2.yang pelik dengan bilik tersebut kerana ia hanya dilengkapi shower.tapi shower nye berlumut dan ada tanah.tapi aku tidak kisah kerana aku membasuh kotoran pada diriku walau ada sedikit jijik.secara tiba2 ramai pelajar sekolah pondok memenuhi bilik wudhu' tersebut untuk mengambil wudhu'.mereka tidak perasan akan kehadiran aku. jadi aku pun turut mengambil wudhu' seperti mereka. kami masuk ke dalam satu chamber. disitu aku terjumpa seorang pelajar Stevens yang mengaji di sekolah pondok tersebut. beliau mengatakan pengetua sekolah itu seorang yang garang sambil menunjukkan ke arah seseorang. ada seorang lelaki yang sedang tertawa akan tetapi apabila perkataan garang itu keluar dari mulut rakanku ini, tiba2 wajahnya berubah garang. cis..

kami kini berada di luar, di dalam sebuah parit yang berada di luar penglihatan orang. rupa2nya beliau tahu aku siapa. jadi kami berbincang bagaimana untuk identitiku tidak diketahui orang. kami agak bimbang, tapi entah mengapa tidak tahu.beliau bertanya, bagaimana aku mahu menjawap jika pengetua tanya aku datang dengan apa.takkan aku nak jawap aku terbang.tiba2 aku ternampak seekor unta.entah siapa punya pun aku tak tahu.bagaimana unta hidup di pulau pun aku tak pasti.aku terus menyatakan bahawa aku akan katakan yang aku datang dengan unta tersebut.entah tiada apa yang menyuruhku, aku berlari ke arah unta itu dengan mencelah di celah2 pondok.

aku kini menghadap pengetua. beliau gelak2 tapi aku cuak. tiba2 apa yang berada di hadapanku adalah sedulang hidangan makanan. Oh! aku sangat lapar~ lantas aku pun tuang air dan makan. beliau memandangku dengan sangat pelik. beliau merenungku tajam. apa ada dalam kepalaku? oh! hari itu adalah first ramadhan! aku sangat lapar dan ada makanan yang sedang dikunyah dalam mulut. aku sangat lapar dan aku juga sangat takut. bayangkan berada di hadapan pengetua sekolah pondok dan anda tidak puasa.makan pulak tu depan dia.dia tak suruh pun.aku sangat takut dan aku hampir terbang.aku pejamkan mata kuat2!

dan aku pun terbangun.itulah mimpi orang tak cukup tidur.aku bangun untuk solat subuh dan tidur sebentar.

balik sahaja dari sekolah, aku solat zohor dan kononnya ingin mengambil power nap. tapi nap itu memang power menyebabkan aku tertidur dari pukul 2 sampai pukul 7. terbit pula rasa menyesal. jadi untuk menyebabkan aku tidur malam, aku kena exercise. jadi aku meletihkan diri untuk mendapatkan tidur yang berkualiti di malam hari. tapi lain yang jadi, aku memang letih dan mengantuk tetapi aku tidak dapat tidur langsung. aku dengar semua perbualan rakan serumah sampai la ke subuh. mungkin aku tertidur sebentar tapi aku jamin ia tidak lebih dari 15 minit. macam power nap. lepas subuh pun aku tak boleh tidur lagi. hadoi. pukul 10 aku baru je melelapkan mata tiba2 orang insurance call la pulak!!! oi! bukan senang nak tido! jadi bagi mengelakkan kejadian sama berulang, aku fully awake untuk bercakap dengan beliau. exactly orang yang sama. nasib baik berita gembira..jadi aku memang tak boleh tidur lepas tu. sabar je lah..kini aku masih tak tidur dan aku agak cuak nak mengambil power nap yang sangat power tu. maka aku tuliskan kisah ini agar ia menjadi iktibar.ada ke?

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

look back

i just look back at my posts..i mean super previous posts, the prehistorical posts of mine..and i was like, what? was i like that? and now, i am not sure i am the same guy. do i change? or did I? or have I? well, whatever it is, there's still a long day waiting. not sure when it ends. =)


i just translated my post "Bawang oh Bawang" in English using google-translate and it was.... hilarious! haha~

the 50%

why do i share things with my blog? it is because there is nobody (else) i could share things with. i'm talking about people who are not willing to share stories and the like (there is none as i may recall) - there are people who are always ready to listen, few of them. i am so eternally grateful for having you guys; thank you so much. but, it is not as the same as telling it to someone who was close to you - someone who has known you for quite some time; or precisely saying, someone who has taken care of you and has raised you up from the first second you were brought to this world. i am not trying to be cute here but it is just an expression of my feeling that i have been suffering, if i may say so, for quite some times. it used to be just freely sharing things around with no tiring boundaries; but the comfort is now not available anymore. sounds like a crybaby, huh? strictly speaking, no one else i could trust more than i did before. it's like all the laughter, the joy and the smile have been snapped off, just like that. again, i always have this thought in my head that everything is merely a learning process. will i ever get the replacement? i am not sure. the maturity, the rationality, and the wisdom, that has been comforting me ever since, is no longer there. everything falls all over the places. i got to pick one by one, to swallow some and reject almost everything, and to enjoy almost nothing. i believe there will be true happiness but i am not sure in what form it is - as long as i am searching for the truth. that's why i tell you, blog, everything because it feels like i am telling another myself and somehow i feel better. in addition, the good thing is, it doesn't offer me such things unless i am looking for it. i would get it if i need it. was it another way saying i am arrogant? no, but do me a favor to ask yourselves: why would you have something you don't need?

Monday, August 2, 2010

don't save money on milk

So..i want to share something!! just now, as i figured that my milk has gone bad, i went up to my friends' room to check out if there got some milk for me. I, dressed in a pink semi-formal collar shirt with worn out jeans, held a big green mug, to be filled with fresh milk, on my way to sixth floor. there was a sleeping mask, just happened that i brought it along, in my back pocket. nice, one of them was playing video game while the other one was enjoying movie. so i decided to get some movies from his hard disk - after i half-filled the mug with milk. without my full consciousness, i put the sleeping mask on my head - covering my forehead. i got myself to the elevator and i hit number "4". as usual, the door closed and i was going down. in the out of sudden, the elevator went to halt on 5th floor and there was a guy, holding two neatly-ironed shirts on his right hand, made his move into the elevator. he was looking at me for a moment. what he was seeing was a boy in pink shirt with sleeping mask on his forehead holding a green mug filled with milk in his right hand and a hard-disk drive in the other hand - smiling and said "Weird huh?". He pretended not to see me while i know he was hiding his smile and said "What? the door? yeah..". Okay, now the door is weird. thank you for not discouraging me down. Good night buddy.

i need to work more on describing things...

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

it just happened!

a person who wake me with her phone call just get annoyed when i don't understand what a question like "where are you located" has anything to do with my insurance provider..did she ask about something else? i am so sorry and i hope you can call me back. anyway....did someone really call me? because what i remember after that was my alarm screaming like hell and it interrupted our conversation...

Thursday, July 22, 2010

ape benda nak bagi tajuk pn tak tahu..

benda best klik disini!!

bawang oh bawang

bawang oh bawang~
mengapalah dikau diciptakan sedemikian~
teresak-esaklah diriku dikala memotongmu di pagi hari.

jika tidak kerana hari ini aku masak makan tengahari,
tiada mata ini menangisi penceraian tubuh badanmu wahai bawang~
tiap kali tangan ku menghiris tubuhmu terasa pedih biji mata.
sekadar tutupan kelopak mata tidak cukup untuk kutangkis semua pedih itu. ah~

teresaklah aku seorang diri dengan perasaan penuh malu sambil menekup mata di otot biceps yang kian mengembang..acehh...bawang oh bawang..

engkau telah menyebabkan aku dipandang begitu macho apabila seorang teruna menitiskan air mata.sesungguhnya penimbangan rasional aku tidak boleh dipakai lagi ketika ini.oh bawang..

bagaimana hari mendatang jika aku ditugaskan memotongmu dikala majlis keramaian?
oh bakalkah aku menghiriskan maruahku jua kerana esakanku semasa memotongmu memang tidak boleh belah.
hatta kakiku patah tulangnya masih ku mampu tahan tanpa ada sedikit linangan air mata.
tapi engkau wahai bawang, segagah mana teruna itu pun, engkau pasti menumpahkan air matanya.

oh bawang, ketahuilah engkau semasa aku di MRSM Serting aku berada di Homeroom Gagah.
tetapi engkau telah goyahkan semangat kegagahanku di pagi hari.
sungguh ku tak sangka engkau wahai bawang, senipis-nipis kulitmu itu, gagah benar engkau memecahkan empangan mata berkaca.

bawang oh bawang, mengapa diri ini memilihmu walau tahu engkau akan berlaku sedemikian?
bahawa engkau akan memedihkan diriku?
kerana aku tahu akan kelazatan selepasnya, maka bisa saja ku tanggung kesakitan dan kepedihan itu.
kalo tak sedap takde aku nak layan la weyh.

bawang~ engkau ada macam-macam jenis. tetapi sekali aku pergi ke United States ni aku dah tak reti nak terjemahkan engkau.
setahu aku semasa di Malaysia, hanya ada bawang putih dan bawang merah.
begitu juga hikayatnya di Indonesia yang ceritanya meleret-leret bazirkan masa budak-budak sekolah aku ponteng prep.
hanyaku tahu engkau bawang putih dinamakan garlic dan bawang dinamakan onion.
sesampai sahaja disini apalah pening otakku melihat satu jenis bawang ini. black garlic.
apa itu? bawang hitam putih? bawang putih hitam? hitam bawang putih?
bukan engkau saja malah ramai lagi rakan-rakan engkau yang pelik.

tidak ku jangka wahai bawang engkau telah menyebabkan aku menulis sebegini panjang dalam satu cubaan. sesungguhnya bawang, penciptaanmu berlapis-lapisan mempunyai hikmah yang tersembunyi. terciptanya engkau membuat orang menangis sebelum menikmati kelazatan mengajar aku erti hidup. kepelikan nama saudara engkau di tanah Amerika ini mengajar aku bahawa luasnya dunia untuk kita menimba ilmu. oh bawang, tiada apa yang diciptakan sia-sia.

وَمَا خَلَقۡنَا ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٲتِ وَٱلۡأَرۡضَ وَمَا بَيۡنَہُمَا لَـٰعِبِينَ

dan tidaklah Kami menciptakan langit dan bumi serta segala yang ada di antara keduanya, secara main-main (Ad-Dukhan: 38)

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

little update

this is nothing but just a small predetermined function of a blog - to tell about ourself. is it? well, i don't really agree on that though. i may want to see it as a reflection of myself so that one would learn.

i am very busy this summer; yet, i will always look for time to write or else i will abandon it for i did before. anyway, here we go.

to short the story, i went to see a doctor as my ankle has been hurting me pretty good for quite some times and up to now, after weeks (or months should i say), it's still bothering me. so i get my butt up for X-ray examination and just found out that there is something wrong with it~ oo ooo~ but no biggie actually. the doctor said that my tendon was torn a little bit and it snapped a piece of bone. the piece, as i saw it together with the doctor on my X-ray film, was about few millimeters long and obviously out of place. i am pretty sure there is no small bone on ankle - or at least one that look exactly like that. he said that at the instant my tendon got torn, a small fracture occurred, it happened that the piece of bone was snapped away by the tension force of tendon. he said it might be serious but don't worry it did not, so far, affected my life as much. so, i am now waiting for call from hospital to do MRI (because X-ray doesn't tell much) and we'll see how things going.

on the other side of my life, i am now working on research!! haha..doesn't that sound good? it sounds great but it comes with great responsibility. in this research, which is conducted by Prof. Yong Shi, my professor of Mechanics of Solids and Dynamic, together with two other Ph.D students, we basically work with nanomaterials. in other words to say, it involves nanotechnology, stuff that in nano-scale - far smaller than centi, milli, and micro. as a part of a team, i am assigned to design and fabricate an electro-spin machine - a machine that fabricate nano-materials. i couldn't believe that i do this. some time i was like "what.......?". but anyway, it is not really amazing =) .i like to write more about this, but not in this post. maybe later, if there is a request or anything ( 0_o)

i'm also taking class! what the...uh, in this summer, i take Design of Machine Components (yet i am now designing a machine) and Fluid Mechanics. they are far. i am just hoping that i can overcome my procrastination disease that has been growing up like cancer, spreading up like virus. anyway, those class are ME3++ levels. so help me!!

so...i guess that would be all...

Saturday, July 17, 2010

De Dust 3

*under censorship act, certain unsuitable words will be replaced by their synonym*
*as a tool to educate English as well as to make your life easier, translation will be provided*

A and B are two typical special agents on a top kill mission on drug war
[A dan B adalah biasanya dua agen istimewa atas misi suatu pembunuhan teragung atas perang dadah]

A: "What do we have here?"
[apa kita ada disini?]

B: "Some sexual-intercourse terrorists armed with two submachine-guns..and uh...I can't sexual- intercourse see 'em clearly from here!"
[beberapa persetubuhan pegganas bertangankan dua sebahagian-senjata-mesin...dan
uh..aku persetubuhan tidak boleh lihat mereka dengan jelas dari sini!]

A: "*chuckle*Cool down bebeh, we're going to take 'em down"
[*tergelak kecil* sejukkan ke bawah wahai bayi, kita akan pergi mengambil mereka ke bawah]

B: "We're gonna rip out their sexual-intercourse heads, man! they ain't got no mercy"
[kita akan mencabut persetubuhan kepala mereka, wahai lelaki dewasa! mereka tidak akan dapat belas kasihan]

A: "You know the game; on!"
[engkau tahu permainannya; atas tiga..satu..dua..tiga!]

typical gunshots and things..well you can see it in movies what happen when there
was ambush. no translation.

A: "Freeze!"

B: "You should see your faces *Laugh out loud* . hands in the air!"
[kamu patut lihat muka - muka kamu *gelak keluar kuat*. tangan dalam angin tersebut!]

A:"Wait a minute, what do they got under this slab?"
[tunggu satu minit, apa mereka dapat bawah kepingan papan ini?]

B: "Oh feces! it's a sexual-intercourse time-bomb!"
[Oh najis! ia adalah persetubuhan bom-masa!]

because of the lack in creativity of director and writer of this story, somehow we can assume that those terrorists got rescued by their comrades and these two smart-ass agents were trapped in that room with the door locked.

B: "What the afterlife-fire man....poop! I'm not gonna die this way! not this sexual-intercourse way!"
[apakah nerakanya ini lelaki dewasa..tahi! aku tidak akan mati begini jalannya! bukan persetubuhan ini jalannya!]

A: "dude, relax, i can handle this..have your eyes on the window in case they are coming back"
[rakan, istirahat, aku boleh pegang ini..adakan mata kau atas tingkap dalam kes mereka datang belakang]

several minutes later

A: "Dude, no way i can fix this!"
[rakan, tiada jalan aku boleh perbaiki ini!]

B: "what the sexual-intercourse!" roof access! come on or 2 minutes later we will be dead meat!"
[apakah persetubuhannya! kebenaran bumbung! mari atas atau 2 minit kemudian kita akan jadi daging mati!]

A:"you go..i can't do this..i got hit"
[kau pergi..aku tidak boleh buat ini..aku dapat pukulan]

*i don't know why they are so smart not to go straight up to the roof..but this is just a story dude!*

B:"No way I'm gonna leave you behind..get your butt on my back!"
[tiada jalan aku pergi meninggalkan engkau di belakang..dapatkan punggungmu atas belakangku!] expected, they managed to get to the roof top and jumped out of the building to save their asses

A: "Poop! quick, she's gonna blow!"
[tahi! cepat, dia akan meniup!]

B: "sexual-intercourse man! that's what I am doing - get the afterlife-fire our butt out of here!"
[persetubuhan lelaki dewasa! itu apa yang aku lakukan sekaran - dapatkan kita punya punggung keluar dari sini!]

A:"get your butt down!"
[dapatkan punggungmu ke bawah!] know, they were now in safe zone and it just happened that the bomb immediately exploded.
and sure, bunch of police cars arrived.
you can see few policemen scattered all over the places suddenly.
without guilty face their chief came to them with a wide smile

Chief: "how are guys doing? that was awesome! get your butt healed 'cuz you guys gonna get medal. sounds good?"
[bagaimana kamu seuma membuatnya? itu memang gempar! dapatkan punggungmu sihat kerana kamu akan dapat pingat. bunyinya bagus?]

A:"but we didn't get those guys, chief"
[tapi kami tidak dapat lelaki-lelaki itu, ketua]

B:"yeah, we didn't deserve it"
[ya, kami tidak layak untuknya]

Chief: "No sons, we got them behind the bar already"
[tidak anak-anak lelaki, kami dapat mereka belakang palang sudah]

A:"but how? i don't think it has something to do with what we did here"
[tapi bagaimana? saya tidak fikir ia ada sesuatu untuk membuat dengan apa yang kami telah lakukan disini]

Chief:"they are smart enough to use all the gas they got to blow you guys up. and that includestheir vans gas. what i know, they were running out of gas and asked for help from policeman who was coincidently were there to look for missing cat at nearby Walmart . He recognized those guys and we got their balls."
[mereka cukup bijak untuk menggunakan semua bahan api mereka ada untuk meniup kamu ke atas. dan itu termasuk van mereka punya bahan api. apa yang aku tahu, mereka kelarian keluar bahan api dan tanyakan pertolongan daripada polis lelaki yang kebetulan berada disitu untuk mencari kucing hilang di Walmart berdekatan. Dia mengecam lelaki-lelaki tersebut dan kita dapat bola mereka.]

A: "ok.....i got that..Dude, thank you for saving my butt"
[ok.....saya dapat itu....rakan, terima kasih kerana selamatkan punggungku]

B: "No biggie man..partner?"
[tiada kebesaran lelaki dewasa...pasangan?]

A: "yeah! wanna a cup of coffee?"
[ya! mahu secawan kopi?]

B:"thanks, I'm good. let's get our butt to hospital"
[terima kasih, aku bagus. mari dapatkan punggung kita ke hospital]

and there you go, heroic american music and things. tadaaa!
[semua ini tahi lembu]


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

biar post kali ini berbahasa melayu kerana aku memang berniat nak bercerita serba sedikit tentang bahasa. sebenarnya, aku sangat teruja untuk tulis mengenai ini sampai aku sendiri tak tahu nak mulakan dari mana sedang otak aku giat menterjemah beberapa perkataan ke dalam beberapa bahasa.

mari kita mulakan dengan jangkaan (expectation) orang di tanah air mengenai kefasihan berbahasa inggeris kita sedang (since) kita dihantar ke luar negara. sudah pasti, apabila pulang ke tanah air orang akan menjangkakan bahawa kita akan sudah fasih berbahasa inggeris - suatu bahasa yang sudah sedemikian menjadi kebiasaan (common) di mana jua serta apa jua medium. adakah kita, pelajar di sini, sudah boleh berkomunikasi dengan baik? atau masih lagi merangkak tidak ubah seperti budak darjah dua bercakap dengan rakannya?

bukan niat aku untuk berkata buruk tentang sesiapa dan siapalah aku untuk mengkritik. ini hanyalah sekadar pancaran diri sendiri yang ditransformasikan menjadi secebis pemikiran. aku dikurniakan mata, lalu aku melihat sekeliling; aku dikurniakan akal, maka aku menafsir; dan, aku dikurniakan hati, gunanya untuk pertimbangan. jadi, barangsiapa yang tidak berpuas hati dengan penulisan ini, atau mempunyai sebarang masalah mengenainya, amatlah dialu-alu kan komentar.

semenjak dua ini, selalu aku tegelak sendirian walau sedang membuat pekerjaan khusus dan serius tatkala memikirkan tentang hal bahasa ini. apa yang ingin sekali aku cuba sampaikan disini adalah, semestinya, bahasa inggeris. aku bersyukur diberi nikmat untuk belajar di bumi orang lantas aku punya dua sudut pandangan berbeza mengenai hal ini. berbeda sekali caranya aku belajar bahasa inggeris semasa di tanah air dengan caranya di sini. ya, sudah pasti aku masih lagi belajar subjek ini. mungkin ia bukan secara formal tetapi hari demi hari, kerana aku seorang yang masih lagi cetek pengetahuannya, aku masih belajar bahasa ini lebih-lebih lagi menjurus kepada penulisan dan percakapan sehari-harian. dan apa yang aku tuliskan disini, sekali lagi dinyatakan, adalah daripada pencerminan diri sendiri dan pengalamanku.

sengaja pada perenggan kedua aku letakkan beberapa terjemahan perkataan untuk melihat apakah reaksi pembaca dan mungkin diriku sendiri. mungkin segelintir dari kita jelek dengan hadirnya perkataan-perkataan dalam kurungan tersebut; dan, mungkin juga hanya memandang sepintas lalu tanpa sebarang makna. hal yang demikian adalah kerana, berdasarkan pengalamanku, aku telah melihat reaksi yang berbeza apabila hadir orang yang berbicara bahasa asing dalam sesebuah perbualan.

tidak perlu rasanya aku meleret panjang bercerita dengan nada mengarut mengenai hal ini. pada aku, aku lihat ada dua jenis orang apabila ingin dikaitkan dengan masalah bahasa. satunya adalah yang bersifat menghukum dan satu lagi adalah bersifat mendidik. dua konteks berbeza.

"I fell..err..I..umm..I is you, do you, do you want..err..follow" contoh sepotong ayat yang mungkin dinyatakan oleh seorang yang tidak seberapa fasih. reaksi dari orang yang bersifat menghukum mungkin jadi "I guess you'd better be talking in your language because seriously I don't understand a word" (aku rasa engkau lagi elok bercakap dalam bahasa melayu kerana aku tidak faham walau satu perkataan apa yang engkau cakapkan). mungkin jadi "oh~ please please..Bm aje? can you?". atau didahulukan dengan hilaian gelak yang menghina lalu dengan pandangan sinis mengatakan "Do you want to repeat what'd you say because I don't think talking shit is your point"

sedang mereka ini tahu bahawa si gagap itu bersusah payah mencuba berkata-kata dalam bahasa yang sudah sememangnya asing padanya. maka merah padamlah mukanya. tidak perlu bilang soal hati kerana sudah pasti tercalar qalbunya itu. berdarahlah hati itu tidak ketahuan orang sendirian ia.

soalnya sekarang, perlukah reaksi sebegitu? mungkin latar belakang mereka dari yang baik-baik. yang mana lidah itu telah diasah dari kecil untuk berbicara dalam bahasa itu walau gelap mana kulitnya, kemik mana hidungnya, tebal mana bibirnya. lupakah mereka bahawa suatu ketika dahulu mereka juga begitu? siapa mereka untuk memberi reaksi sebegitu rupa? lupakah mereka bahawa ilmu yang mereka ada itu pemberian siapa?

mengapa jadi begini? mengapa hidung yang kemek itu diangkat tinggi apabila merasakan diri itu sudah "menguasai" bahasa itu? satu faktornya adalah kerana kesan penjajahan. kerana mereka rasakan penjajah dahulu adalah yang terbaik. maaf kerana kali ini aku terpaksa tulis dalam bahasa inggeris sebab aku tak reti nak translate. when one nation has been oppressed and conquered, the people, after certain time passed, think that their people are no longer strong, educated and wise. on the other hand, they feel everything about the oppressor is the best. somehow, by time going, they want to have some attachment to the "great" power. that is why they submit to the oppressor and disrespect their own people. satu faktor lagi kerana ceteknya ilmu mereka tentang dunia luar. mereka rasakan mereka akan dipandang tinggi dengan berlaku sebegitu rupa.

bagaimana pula agaknya reaksi orang yang dikhabarkan mendidik? "You were asking me whether or not can i join you having lunch? is that what you were saying?" dengan nada ingin tahu dan serius. atau "I am so sorry; could you please repeat that again for me?" jika dia benar-benar tidak faham. mungkin saja mereka yang sudah dapat idea apa yang ingin disampaikan, terus saja menyatakan soalan itu kembali dan memberikan jawapan "you are hungry and inviting me to join you? it's great! come on". senyuman dan rasa hormat mereka tidak padam walaupun terbukti mereka lebih fasih berbahasa inggeris - atau mereka cuma berkomunikasi dengan bahasa itu saja.

mengapa tidak mereka yang sangat fasih itu memperlekehkan orang yang tidak fasih? kerana mereka itu mendidik. reaksi - reaksi tadi adalah reaksi biasa yang didapati dalam perbualan dua orang yang sebaya. jika yang fasih itu lebih tua, atau seorang yang dalam profesion mengajar, mungkin akan ditegur kesalahan kita, dengan penuh rasa hormat dan menjaga sensitiviti.

mungkin pernah terjadi dalam perbualan yang apabila pihak yang tidak fasih tidak berapa faham maksud yang disampaikan, mereka akan sedaya upaya meringkaskan (simplify) apa yang mereka ingin sampaikan. contohnya, seorang doktor ingin menyatakan bahawa dengan kecederaan yang pesakitnya alami itu mungkin akan menyebabkan kesakitan ketika sejuk; mungkin sekali dia akan menggeletar sambil bercakap perkataan yang mudah seperti "when it is cold" dan ditunjukkan ekspresi sakit dari muka "you will feel pain". pernah juga aku lihat orang yang penghantar makanan apabila bertanya arah kepada seorang "native speaker" (orang yang sediakala bercakap inggeris sebagai bahasa utama), reaksinya, walaupun aku tahu dia tidak berapa faham dengan apa yang ditanya, dia tunjukkan dengan isyarat sambil berkata-kata - "Howe Center is that tall building" sambil mengangkat tangannya tinggi "and you are going to 4th floor" dengan jarinya mengisyaratkan nombor 4. bermacam-macam lagi reaksi yang aku lihat dengan mata kepala sendiri dan aku alami. aku kira semua itu sebagai proses untuk belajar.

aku tahu aku bukanlah begitu fasih berbahasa inggeris tetapi aku tidak lagi malu untuk belajar. kerana aku tahu, disini, di bumi Amerika, kebanyakan orang yang aku jumpa bersifat mendidik. kalau ada yang aku lihat sebagai menghukum, mungkin mereka datang dari latar belakang yang sama denganku - generasi yang pernah dijajah atau mudah lupa. sesungguhnya aku bersyukur. sememangnya keberadaanku disini adalah untuk "belajar". mudah-mudahan dipermudahkan urusanku disini dan kedapatanlah aku sokongan rakan-rakan. mungkin apa yang aku tulis tidaklah sehebat mana atau bermakna apa-apa akan tetapi aku terasa ingin berkongsi kerana mungkin ia menjadi peringatan kepada aku dan kamu jika mungkin kita terlupa.


i must say right now that i see myself as a changed person - like totally changed upside down. this might be the test but i wish for the best for me. i don't want to have myself diverge from my former track.

well, living in states makes me feel good about almost everything. i have learned many things actually and that includes about myself, my species, and my religion. verily, what has been said back then when i was in Malaysia was right; don't waste your opportunity of being here - well many have said so. you can do whatever you can't do or will not do if you were in Malaysia (at least it applies for me).

sometimes, i can't even believe that i am doing all these things. they never came across my mind before. Wow! those things are different from each other like one end of rope to the other. they are all tied together and made or shape or fashion me as myself.

but i guess that is basically what we do in our life - to change (or as you may call it migrate) from one state to another. i'm just hoping everything's going well and best for myself. as you may found this terrible article/essay, or more precise to be described as piece of thought of mine, as general; it's my intention to make it that way.

i still remember what my chemistry (a subject which i almost hate) teacher told us - the 5IB students: "individual success can never be as sweet as altogether success" (he was referring to our class - the 5IB). yes he was right and will always be right about that. i can say it still applies today. i feel happy if me, my friends, my course-mate, and my colleague or comrades as you may say, succeed (in whatever we were into).

it turns out that it makes me feel sad, upset, and emotionally/mentally perturbed if ones (or I specifically) have to walk alone. it turns out to be more tragic if there is something makes me feel sabotaged or disrespected. clearly, many of us, (and i was, and maybe am) are in the act of abusing. i don't know how to express this more clearly but we, the human, are blessed with many faculties of mind such as judging, reasoning, understanding and imagining (and whatever the like in the sense of mode of thinking); so, they might be useful if we KNOW and WANT to use or utilize them.

i know i did a terrible mistakes before, in which i couldn't turn back the time to change my choice of path; but, at least i can say that i am trying, or best said struggling ,to change myself. obviously, i can say it is like a process of metamorphosis of a new me. i'm just hoping that i would be transforming to be a better person inside out. i don't really like Obama but i have to quote him "change is what we need" and he was absolutely right.

if i were given the chance to turn back the time, i would go for it. but it is impossible and merely just a dream. so, keep moving on!

verily, i wish i could tell this to as many people as i can..but who do i think i am to say what is best for everyone... =)

Monday, July 12, 2010

tabung kaki palsu

sudah agak lambat sebenarnya untuk post kan benda ni di blog tapi buat jugak lah nak promote kan. ini adalah satu program yang dianjurkan AMAN Palestin dan ISMA bagi membantu saudara kita yang di Palestin.

mungkin sumbangan kita tidaklah sebesar mana, akan tetapi ia lebih kepada menyedarkan kita tentang hakikat kehidupan sebagai muslim. kesedaran dan sensitivity kita terhadap isu ini adalah diperlukan.maka dengan itu, mari kita menyumbang sementara masih boleh.

segala usaha mempromosikan program ini (melalui ym, blog, facebook dan lain-lain medium) amatlah dihargai. hanya Allah sebaik pemberi ganjaran. untuk menyumbang, sila pergi ke sini

knowledge, knowledge and KNOWLEDGE

so, there is one night when someone said : to be a good leader, he should have a good leadership; of which he knows how to deal with different kind of people, various kind of situation, and the like. most importantly, he got to have the KNOWLEDGE.

and one man replied: speaking of knowledge, i think you will make a good leader. i am not RELIGIOUS enough to be a leader.

deafening silent..for a while.

well what i am trying to convey is actually the difference between knowledge (ilmu), wise man (alim) and being religious. most of us, when speaking of knowledge, don't really understand what it really means. strangely, the most common immediate response is relating to religious figure.

let me tell you something: we, for no matter who we are, or how ever imperfect we are, have our own status, or as you may call role, in this very universe. i guess this has explained much but i still want to elaborate it. when the first guy mentioned "knowledge", what he really meant was the knowledge to be leader. well, it is not the second guy's fault for misunderstanding the connotation of knowledge to be religious. he is like most of us too, (or as you may say, at least, like me) - struggling in the mud of confusing ignorance.

we see in world nowadays, people who are not fit enough, are ridiculously put in inappropriate position. the closest example, of course, leader. i know i am nobody to criticize anyone but sometime even a monkey can tell he has no credibility to lead.

that is why everyone plays his or her very own role in this universe. this person might be best for math then put him in math department. he might be great to be a chef then put him in the kitchen. and after all, why would we put a college drop-out to be the leader..???

i guess i have digressed too much. what i am trying to say is in order to be someone in certain field, you must have a specific knowledge on that matter. let the doctors treat the patient, the photographers take the pictures and the like; as long as they have the knowledge of their field. same goes to "leaders" and "religious men". mufti or imam, let them do the specific work of religion because they are qualified and supposed to do so. leaders, in general, lead your people as you know how to lead. i am not saying leaders are not meant to be religious, but if he is religious and wants to lead, make sure that he is qualified to be leader.

don't put wrong people, especially the empty heads, in wrong positions. you will definitely, 100% sure, be suffering in a mass destruction. i guess i have explained it in a sufficient length and i hope i convey some messages. let's us gain more knowledge to be a better man for a better world.

إِنَّهُ ۥ عَلِيمُۢ بِذَاتِ ٱلصُّدُورِ
-He knows what's in your chest (Asy-Syura, 24)

again, i am no one to tell you or to give orders to the leaders. i am just a tiny little dust with a piece of brain. if there is any mistakes; please advise me in a good manner, i would appreciate it. perhaps i can say this is nothing but a reminder for you and me in case we forgot.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


my friend says "once or twice people come to your site and see no update they will not go again". i don't know, that's almost true for certain circumstances. well that what makes me not writing for such a long time. it is because i have already procrastinated for i don't know how long; and i am afraid or daunted to write back..some ideas i have in mind have already immersed in thin air..such a waste didn't it?

well, a comeback is hard. really hard. harder than starting from scratch.

to constantly keep up with the same thing is another thing.

but one man has motivated me. he says (more or less) "we must contribute something at least and giving out idea is my style". thank you.

and thank you to some of you guys out there for constantly asking about update although it has been idle for almost a year (wtf?). i see them as support.

people can't run from mistake as to err is humane. leaving blogging/writing is a huge mistake for me. i did mistake and thank you for reminding me. it might be the reminder for you and me in case we forgot..