Nagging on Laziness

Bismillah

Most of the people that are close to me know that I have a short-temper; but, I am not here to talk about my temper in which at some point is uncontrollable. We'll talk about it in other coming post InsyaAllah. Albeit I know I should have not let my anger override my rational thinking; yet, last night, I was really upset when someone said something that has always upset me.

Yet I cannot say that is the thing that upsets me the most (because there are too many things that can upset me and I seriously do not know how to rank them in order).

"Hey, it is already third paragraph yet you haven't said anything about the thing that upset you. You are pissing me off!!"

OK. Sorry. Y'know, it is about the way people acknowledging the idea of laziness in themselves that upsets me.

"He doesn't perform well does not mean he is stupid. He is just lazy"

Thank God I was not made of explosives; or else, I would have exploded already. Let me explain to you why it upsets me so much.

See, this is how some people out there think when it comes to performance. They thought that low academic performance is a result of unfortunate slowness in absorbing class materials; yet, they unconsciously admit that those low-performers are actually blessed with intelligence and they can't do well is SIMPLY because they are lazy. get my point?

You see how those two ideas, namely unfortunate slowness and blessed intelligence, do not go along really well? They are like oil and water! How could someone slow can be intelligent? I am not demeaning slow people for who they are - that is something for sure.

Alas, they take laziness as a petty matter. The word "just" itself exhibits how laziness has a very insignificant contribution to the problem.

How ignorant someone could be to notice that the real problem is the laziness per se? The presenting problem, which is low performance, is not a result of weak cognition; yet, little did they know that laziness is the root of the problem.

The ability of mental to process knowledge and materials up to certain level is not our choice. If we were born slow, then there is nothing we could do about it. Well, of course some people undergo therapy and constantly hope for miracle to happen. The effort to overcome something that is beyond our power and choice in order to be better person is noble by itself. Hey, God will not grant you something unless you work hard for it. remember?

Ar-Ra'd (11) image source: quran.com

"For each one are successive [angels] before and behind him who protect him by the decree of Allah. Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. And when Allah intends for a people ill, there is no repelling it. And there is not for them besides Him any patron"

What I am trying to say is that it is not fair for someone to put blame of weak performance on the capacity to acquire knowledge.

It is their stupidity that should be blamed for. Wait, what do I mean by 'stupidity' here?

We must be thankful to be bestowed with the precious willpower since there is no other creation of God are given the power of will. In our lives, we always face with choices and it is actually up to us to choose what we think the best for us (based on our understanding and existing laws).

So, what does stupidity has to do with willpower? Ignorant people, for me, are the ones who intentionally made wrong decision even though they know, by heart, it is a wrong decision. Alright, this is for you students; do you know that you will not get good grade if you don't study? Duh~ Why do I bother to ask you when we already know the answer to this silly question? It is because I just want to make my point clearer! Isn't it stupid for somebody who has known the

answer to that stupid question yet he or she still goes for the stupid choice? Yes, that is the stupidity that needs to be cured.

If we could spend every single penny that we have to cure the existing low mental capacity, why would not we spend a little time to think and make the right (read obvious) choice?

Ah..isn't it really stressful to see something good that is already served before our eyes yet we choose to have the bad meal? *insert clip from Family Guy to illustrate this example*

myspace.com (sorry I can't find a clip, but I am sure you guys will find one)

Failure to identify the real problems is the biggest problem because you will never know where to start while the presenting problem worsens.

Being lazy never helps you to be engineers.

Please, correct me if I am wrong in a wise and acceptable manner. Verily, I am only another person that has a lot of defects in my being.

Kenangan

Salam 'Alaik rakan-rakanku semua,

Jadi hari ini merupakan salah satu dari empat hari yang aku update blog kerana aku hanya update blog empat kali setahun. Jika rakan-rakan perasan, aku sudah tukar layout dan gambar kat atas tu jadi comel sikit dari sebelum ni. Yela, segan jugaklah aku blog je hias lawa-lawa api takde sape nak update blog; sudah itu pulak orang duk tanya tapi aku kata asyik kata esok atau kejap lagi je. Ok, mari kita masuk ke tajuk.

KENANGAN

selama mana aku hidup di bumi yang fana ini, aku memerhatikan bahawa kita sentiasa beredar di sekeliling kenangan; aku tak tahu orang lain macam mana, tapi aku fikir macam tu. faham tak?

let me break it down for you. Mengikut theory aku, fasa hidup kita ni terbahagi kepada 3 komponen kenangan iaitu:

1) Merancang kenangan

2) Mencipta kenangan

3) Mengenang kenangan

it sounds corny - I know. But anyhow, let's go through one by one.

1. Merancang kenangan

sebenarnya dalam step ini, ia bermula dengan mendengar dan melihat kenangan orang sekeliling.

Masa ini, typically semasa kita semua masih lagi kanak-kanak riang yang dengar je apa orang sekeliling cakap. sedang kawan kau cerita hantu yang tak masuk akal pun kau dengar jugak dengan penuh khusyuk. aku rasa mendengar kenangan tu adalah seperti yang semua orang paham kan? cam biasa la, kau dengar datuk-datuk atau pakcik-pakcik menceritakan kenangan mereka membina empangan tasik kenyir la, lawan komunis la, pegi lawan bos kat tempat kerja la, memukul pak guard dengan kayu golf la, serta menjadi pegawai diplomat Malaysia ketika usia masih muda. kang aku letak semua contoh nanti takde sape nak baca.

dari segi melihat kenangan pula, ia lebih kepada apa yang kita lihat secara live ataupun yang kita tengok dalam TV. contoh yang terdekat pada aku adalah ketika aku menonton filem autobiografi ramai manusia-manusia yang berjaya dalam hidupnya. setidak-tidaknya pun, kita melihat sendiri depan mata bagaimana orang-orang terdekat dengan kita yang berbakti pada masyarakat. takkan la tak motivated kot. pembacaan pun turut mempengaruhi jugak; kau baca kisah-kisah sahabat tu. sama je la konsepnya dengan macam tengok movie autobiagrafi tu.

tapi by the end of the day, kita yang masih lagi suci murni ibarat kain putih tu mula rasa motivated nak buat perkara yang sama ataupun lebih hebat lagi. kan? ke aku sorang je pikir camtu..?

lepas tu barulah orang sibuk nak merancang nak buat apa dalam course hidup dia. menurut adik aku, semasa dia berumur 5 atau 6 tahun, dia bercita-cita mahu cemerlang dalam upsr so that boleh masuk MRSM and then dapat SPM 11A supaya dia dapat fly ke United States. hebat...siapa la yang motivate dia tu, mesti kacak orangnya.

"Begin something with the end in mind"

Stephen Covey - Author of "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People"

2. Mencipta kenangan

Dalam hidup kita, kita akan sentiasa berdepan dengan pilihan. sedang kau tengah tahan berak masa ceramah motivasi ramai-ramai kat sekolah pun kau menghadapi pilihan jugak. sama ada kau nak pergi ke tandas dan berak, atau kau tahan je sampai ceramah tu habis. yela, mungkin kau seorang yang segan kalau orang tahu kau pergi berak. sikit punya lama kau spend kat dalam bathroom tu takkan la orang tak tau. pastu bila kau masuk orang ramai-ramai pakat tutup hidung. panjangnya contoh ni..tapi pointnya adalah hidup sentiasa berdepan dengan pilihan.

apa pulak la kaitan kenangan dan pilihan ni...

ceritanya macam ni, dalam engkau menghadapi hari-hari dalam hidup kau, kau selalu tak tanya diri kau, apa yang patut kau buat? senang cerita macam ni, masa tu ada selection untuk wakil sekolah ke taekwondo tournament. kau ada pilihan sekarang sama ada kau nak buat sehabis baik atau kau buat-buat segan bagi peluang mencipta sejarah hidup tu ke orang lain. boleh kata pulak kau ni seorang yang smart dan mahu melakar sesuatu dalam hidup, mestilah kau rasa nak buat betul-betul kan? dan engkau pun buat gila-gila punya dan akhirnya tup-tup engaku dah final peringkat kebangsaan dan..arghh..senang pendek cerita kau dapat emas. syabas, syabas.

bukan dalam sport sahaja, malah dalam bidang kepimpinan, adakah engkau sanggup menggalas tanggungjawap sebagai seorang ahli Lembaga Disiplin Pelajar semasa kanak-kanak yang tak matang lain merasakan itu adalah suatu yang terlalu menonjol untuk mereka, atau adakah engkau sanggup jadi presiden Kelab Parti Politik Tertentu Luar Negara New York-New Jersey ketika jauh di lubuk hati kau, kau tak mahu ada association dengan parti politik ini? tapi semuanya kau buat jugak la sebab kau nak melakukan sesuatu dalam hidup ini.

dalam kegiatan sosial, kau mesti ada pergi volunteer ke, tolong orang ke. i tell you what, volunteering is surely a life-changing act. kau tak rasa wo camne bestnya volunteer ini. aku tak rajin sangat volunteer, sikit-sikit je. tapi aku tengok orang-orang yang volunteer ni semua macam ketagih nak buat benda tu. apsal? haa. kau volunteer sendiri la baru kau cakap.

dari tadi asyik cakap benda positive je kan? boleh jadi masa muda ni kita buat benda gila-gila punya. kau skema ke nak buat semua benda nerd-nerd? cakap skema kat kau marah pulak. time muda-muda ini lah kita lumba lembu kat sawah orang ke, drift kereta proton bapak kau depan masjid time subuh hari ke, merempit malam-malam sampai terbarai motor depan kubur ke, masukkan peti ais dalam bathtub ke, ikut sukahati korang la. banyak lagi benda aku boleh tulis tapi kang penuh dengan contoh pulak. tak sampai point.

tapi la kan, dalam hidup kita ini sentiasa berdepan dengan pilihan. sama ada kita nak buat dosa atau pahala. sama ada kita nak buat benda mulia atau keji. sama ada kita nak buat benda baik atau buruk. sama ada kita nak buat benda besar atau kecil. sama ada kita nak jadi manusia terbilang atau manusia yang biasa-biasa. pilihan sentiasa berada di tangan kita. masa untuk mencipta kenangan ni dah lama bermula untuk kita-kita kini yang muda belia, tapi masih belum terlambat nak terus mencipta.

Steve Jobs, dalam setiap benda yang beliau mahu buat, beliau akan bertanya pada diri beliau sendiri: "If today was my last day, would I do what I am about to do now?"

Orang Yang Hidup bagi dirinya sendiri akan hidup sebagai orang kerdil dan mati sebagai orang kerdil. Tapi orang yang hidup bagi orang lain akan hidup sebagai orang besar dan mati sebagai orang besar (Sayyid Quthub)

3. Mengenang kenangan

Masa mencipta dan mengenang kenangan ini biasanya overlapped. Yela, sedang benda yang kau baru buat tadi kau boleh kenang kejap lagi. kan? tapi masa tua kita, masa yang kita dah tak bermaya nak gila-gila lagi, atau masa kita tidak lagi sesuai untuk buat certain benda, time tu adalah masa mengenang kenangan.

masa tu kau akan termenung sorang-sorang, pandang luar tingkap, tapi kau tak pandang pun pokok pisang kat luar tu, tapi kau melihat satu-satu kenangan yang kau buat masa kau masih gagah dahulu. senyum sorang-sorang aje kau. time tu la anak cucu kau datang dan kau pun bukak la cerita. sebab tu orang muda sekarang bila buat benda gila-gila sikit dia nanti akan kata "Nanti adalah benda sikit nak cerita kat anak cucu". Ok, aku sound like orang tua.

selalunya aku fikir, mungkin nanti suatu hari nanti korang akan jadi somebody, dan masa itu, orang akan buatkan movie atau at least satu museum untuk kau. orang takkan nak buat movie kehidupan seorang yang sangat hambar dan lame. mesti la nak cari kehidupan yang penuh adventure dan action-packed. So, tanyalah diri korang, adakah hidup korang ni best nak dibuat movie atau buat abis beras je kalau buat pun?

ataupun, kalau korang suatu masa nanti ketika terlantar kat katil, masa tu adakah kau akan menangis sebab menyesal dengan benda-benda yang kau buat? adakah jugak kau akan menyesal sebab kau buat benda-benda yang tak sepatutnya yang kau harap kau boleh patah balik masa?

ataupun korang akan asyik gelak or senyum sambil berkata "I did this and that and I am so proud of what I did". Bukan bermaksud riak la tapi.

ataupun, masa kita semua menghadap Yang Esa. bersediakan kita dimainkan semula kenangan-kenangan kita di dunia yang sementara ini dan dikhabarkan kepada kita apa yang telah kita kerjakan dan diputuskan keputusan kepada kita? Wallahu 'Alam.

-this is just a friendly reminder for me and you just in case we forgot.

-jika ada salah dan silap harapnya ditunjukkan dengan cara penuh hikmah dan hemah.

-ok, kelas aku start hari ini. dah takde masa free lagi. takleh tulis blog. "Argh, kau manjang busy nye. pemalas tulis blog apa?". "Haah kan, kalau nak tunggu tak busy bila je aku betul-betul free?"

EarthQuake and Hurricane

assalamualaikum kawan2..kali ini, tajuk je English tapi isi die bahasa ibunda kita iaitu bahasa Melaka. hari ini sambil mendengar lagu Nur Kasih, aku decide nak tulis satu post.

pagi tadi, setelah kami semua jemaah subuh, semasa orang lain membaca al-ma'thurat dan ayat suci al-Quran, kami telah jamming sampai langit terang. ape nak jadi la.tapi apa yang nak diceritakan adalah kejadian alam yang telah dan bakal terjadi ini.

hehe..sorry (at one shot)

salam,

hehe...sudah tak update blog selama beberapa lama. serious sibuk la. hari tu kan macam artis kan pergi sambut birthday banyak2 kali..haha

tak, sebenarnya aku busy gila dengan assignment yang berlambak walaupun dalam Summer session. tapi takpe, it makes me to stay sharp.

Convince:.:Accept//Force:.: Disastrous

**this is the thing that i have always wanted to tell people**

***enough with this stars thingy***

if you see the title of this entry, you might not have any idea what this entry is all about. this is about serious matter; but, i am not going to write this in a very serious tone. i will try my best to convey my message; but IT IS UP TO YOU TO ACCEPT IT OR NOT.

Dilemma

(only p/s and p/s/s make the whole point of this entry. you can skip the whole entry to the p/s bla3)

i see blog stats this morning, and the result was fairly surprising. of course, i have never thought that it would be that much. i thought the number of all-time view alone only was like couple hundreds..

Something to Ponder upon this Evening

Hi mate,

frequently we see people gather for, let say, a cause; yet little do most of them know the reason behind. i am not talking about specific event that just occurred few days ago; rather, a wide view on peoples' behavior - generally. for i am not in the exception zone, so this is merely a self reflect and time-to-time observation.

apakah maksudnya menjadi pandai?

Assalamualaikum dan hello kawan-kawan,

masa membeli makan tengahari di kedai makcik Zainab depan balai polis selepas result kuar SPM hari itu, Zamani terdengar Mak Cik Leha membisik "Hesh~ anak Encik Zul tu pandai tu. hari tu SPM dapat 11A!!". begitulah kira-kira bisikan (yang sangat kuat sampai Zamani leh dengar) oleh Mak Cik Leha kepada makcik Zainab. maka mula lah gossip mereka yang kali ini memang betul Zamani takleh dengar.

pergi la pulak Salleh ke kedai untuk beli minyak tanah untuk uwan kesayangannya di kedai Pak Manap. "huisshhh..Salleh, dah jadi mat saleh dah kau pergi sampai Amerika tu ha. pandai betul engkau ye?".

tak pun masa Padel cakap kat Mirul masa balik sekolah "Camne ko leh jadi pandai ha? bagitau sikit buku dari langit ke berapa ko baca sampai leh jadi camni."

Mari Menulis dengan Random (sebab apa kena menulis)

Assalamualaikum dan hello rakan-rakan,

mari kita menulis dalam bahasa melayu kerana aku adalah orang melayu. kenapa la introduction bengap macam ni..dalam post kali ini, cikgu akan membicarakan tentang kepentingan menulis blog kepada diri sendiri. kalau korang rasa tak penting lantak korang la.

sekali lagi, hanya pengajaran dan nilai-nilai murni adalah sepatutnya kita amik dari pembacaan. kalau tak suka, kita ada pilihan untuk berlalu pergi. hmm..abang bunga dah aku.

5k RUN!

finish

Hello,

i am only writing this post for the sake of keeping this blog alive. no more no less. in this entry, i would like to share about my experience today that's revolve around Party With Purpose Hoboken 2011 5K Run. Nothing serious about this entry; and do not expect this entry to be like athletic experience of well-trained Marathon Olympians in his 26 miles marathon. i only write this so that we can ponder upon good values and lessons.

it takes me some time to think what the title should be..

alright, i will write this in one shot. well, this is blog, you are not really abided by any format; yet, it might influence your academic writing skills. i have always wanted to activate this blog again simply because i have so many things to say. unfortunately, i PROCRASTINATE because i think this is not the best time to write anything. i thought i have to fully prepare myself by reading more books, and articles; and perhaps, i should be doing some more researches.

but i was slightly wrong.

it is not a decent writing if you don't do any research at all. but it is also not a good thing to put off writing for a long time because you simply think you don't research enough.

new post

new post. i live up my word to have a new post

of POYO and SOCIETY

The word POYO

I have been hearing this word since I was in primary school – perhaps, same goes to everyone else. What does this word mean? Well, according to few people I met, they said that the word means beautiful in Javanese language; but, as far as I am concern, the word POYO that I have been familiarized with does not carry that meaning. Instead, in Malaysian Urban Dictionary, it says “Malaysian slang for a person who doesn’t realize how fag he/she is, shameless action, self boasting”. I must admit, it shall be true sometime. On the other hand, I try my best to minimize the usage of this word because I found that this word is extremely DANGEROUS.

memory of blasphemy! oh, smart ass (really)

we, engineers wannabe, were so excited knowing that there would be a trip to Universiti Teknologi Petronas (UTP), a renowned university in Malaysia, once my dream university. that trip, which was exclusively for top 20 MARA trial scorers for engineers, would be remembered for the rest of my life.

it was 4 am in the morning; yet, the students who signed up for that trip had prepared to board on bus from MRSM Serting to UTP. i could see tired (for not having enough sleep) yet excited faces - as i was among of them, too. we were all dressed in our formal/official attire, if i could say so, the baju batik. the smartest (neat) dress after LDP (Students Disciplinary Board) attire.

series of events

alright, i am not going to write this post in academic manner. there will be no thesis statement, elaboration and things alike. anyway, let me start with what happen last weeks. i figured out that i haven't updated my blog ever since. i was really busy.

it was my final week for summer II. i had 2 finals - design of machine components and fluid mechanics. well, something that has been discouraging me ever since that i don't think i did well during fluids final because i didn't have enough sleep. i was also preparing for my interview that was also on the same day. so because i don't have enough confidence, though i actually was, i studied all night long - although i am supposed to be programmed,by past experience, to become aware the fact that it should have been done earlier. i didn't want it to end up like dynamics (because the same thing happen! full mark for tests and quizzes but messed up in the final). so as the result haven't come out yet, i just can pray and pray. on the other hand, i am so surprised with my machine components. i did not expect i get that grade, though. thanks God. well, design of machine components was a take home final and should had been done in three days. because of procrastination disease rooted deep inside me, i did it 4 hours before its due. (p/s: though, i wasn't the last one to hand the final)

ah, speaking of interview, i did not know what i did wrong but it's just not meant to be my job. well, i don't meet the requirement - having a valid driving license.

and also, there are like 30 of newly come (Malaysian, for sure,) students to Stevens. please God, give me strength to do what is right for me, them and everybody. and also, i have, successfully, if i CAN say so, got out from any position in MASA. well actually people don't like me so i am not voted - that is the real story. i am just making it like i was important. anyway, i don't have any official power to say anything but, trust me, deep inside i feel responsible to do what's right. i think, am sure, i would say, they think i am snobbish. well, i can live with that. it has been my first impression ever since my first interaction with human species.

ah! i had my friends, Ijem, Azhari, and Pobin visiting New York and eventually me! it was a lot of fun. i haven't been so happy since i don't know when. we did a lot of things including drawing six packs on our tummy~ :D

but now, they are now safely return to their own habitat. until next time. and so my classes has started. i am so advance that i don't know what else i should enroll in. unlike any other normal students, i am now doing 2nd semester of junior year with a class from senior year. isn't that advance? it is. why? it is because i had prepared to work during fall yet i don't have chance to do so. well, i am not really upset as i know there is a bless in disguise for no matter what happen and things happen always for reason.

and yeah! speaking of class, i was initially planning to do minor in engineering management. in order to do so, i got to take four classes. one of them, which is the most critical one, is accounting and business analysis. i missed the first class because i needed to take some sleep. really i need to because i didn't have a really good-night sleep and the classes was like from 8 to 2.30pm non-stop without any gap. what the duck!! so i just went to the class yesterday. i was a few minutes late. there was an old man, standing in the middle of class and staring at screen in front of the class. he was, like he has been thousand times rehearsed, smoothly explained the slide; yet, i don't have any single clue what he was talking about. i still remember i missed the first class of Differential Equation and i got a real bad grade for it. so i don't want the same thing to happen again. and also, it was terribly boring that i was just sitting and staring for 3 minutes and i went out of the class and erased my name from attendance list and i dropped that class! tadaaa!! it happened in incredible speed; isn't it? and three minutes is actually long enough for me to make up my mind to not doing minor while thinking of doing minor took me about three semester. seriously i don't understand at all what he was saying - cash cow, harvest, invest, divest, importance grid. wtf (what the fish) are them?plus, the slide was not attractive and interactive at all.

so it was just moment after i dropped that class i realized that i only had 13 credits for this semester. i was like what?? only 13. and i started going crazy. i went to see dean to enroll in technogenesis but sorry that class is only for seniors and E 355 (engineering economics), which i am taking right now, is the pre-requisite course. so only after hours of trying and error to put up some classes that i wish to retake, i came out with a solution to take technical elective course. thanks God there was a friend of mine, who is senior right now, taking that class too. so yeah, my credit is now 16. even though i am not really satisfied but i think it is enough. so i guess that would be all. thank you! :D

dude, i have a question for ya

the worst week of my (summer II) life just ended like yesterday. it's not like anything terribly messed up with life or something; it's just that i don't want it to be happened again.

it started with me going to the city with some visiting friends. well, i'm not sure how to describe it but i may say it was a little bit tiring - for strolling almost 7 or 8 hours. so that night, i went back home with a mind preparing for a big tomorrow.

tomorrow, which was not that big actually, was the day i was supposed to move out of my CC apartment to Claustrophobic Penalty Area or best described as CPA. it started with having my friend got lost in Hoboken, in his way to park car at Stevens. almost 3 hours were spent to look for him and thank God; the car he driven was found, nicely parked, at Stevens. he showed up as we were just about to look for him. honestly, i don't really like moving in or out - because it is tiring, tedious, and time-consuming. i had to go at 12-ish as i had a scheduled meeting with my group mates (even though we, biologically programmed, know that doing anything that has something to do with academic, or any form of academic work, or academically influenced work, is naturally sick if it is done or being done on Sunday). to short the story, we managed to get the project done by 5 something and just had to meet the next day to work on slides and paper. either way, whether the academic work is done or not, i still had to move my stuffs out. poop. i had to stop when it was about 1 or 2am because i couldn't do it anymore. plus, i guessed we had move majority, or at least the big ones, of our stuffs to CPA - before we found out it is not, later day.

Monday morning started at 12.36pm as i planned to take a short nap after Subuh prayer - i know it is short, really. i could have just gone to class after getting prepared; BUT, i couldn't because i found out that, by any means, i have to wear other pair of pants unless i want another big embarrassing moment of my life. i could not wear this one, the one i should have put on, because of certain reasons. since i had moved almost of my stuffs, including clothes, most importantly, i got nothing else to wear. i should have brought a complete set of going-to-class apparel rather than just a pair of boxer short and t-shirt. i got no choice but to put the pants in where it belonged - washing machine. so, washing took only 12 minutes but i was not going to go to school with all-wet jeans or else i would have been thought super freak. then, i got to dry it out! this was the most time-consuming, wasting actually, process. i was like oh God, i just learned that, after drying the jeans for a normal-dry length of time, it came out half-of-half, or quarter, redundantly, dry. i was so upset to repeat the whole process but this time i switched to more-dry mode- in which i should have done earlier. it was like 50 minutes passed 1 already and i just missed the whole point of going to class. so i decided not to go and just laid down on my bed, under warming blanket, waiting for my pants, my only pants at that moment, to be dried. shall i call it the first oversleeping day? i may.

Tuesday, the class supposedly started at 10am. i am not really a morning person, especially for academic purpose, to start my day as early as 8 (yet, 10am is also considered early). so, putting all blames on that very nature of mine, i overslept; only this time, i woke up at 1.13pm - if i am not mistaken. like a car accident, this one might be considered total lost as the class should have ended precisely 1 hour 13 minutes ago. unknowingly, no, unconsciously, i also missed one lab session that i could have gone at 4.15pm yesterday. i only could remember that i had to make that up at 5, on Tuesday. so, i was just making my self feel really bad after having the TA (teaching assistant) waited for me for 10 minutes later than the promised time; and still, he allowed me, and also helped me, answering pre-lab quiz of Fluid lab - that other students took it, for some obvious reason i don't really know, one day earlier. this should be the ultimate oversleeping day - as you may discover later.

Wednesday, i reached the door of the class just 4 minutes after lecture started! that could be considered as the biggest success of the week. so it turned out to look like it's a normal day for me until i noticed that i did not bring experiment note to Fluid lab at 4.15pm. honestly, i also almost missed that lab. so, as i am (being) trained to be good engineer, i should come out with a solution! that is basically what engineers do. with hidden sense of guilty, i just roughly sketched a 17 rows table, and another one next, and began jotting down data. seriously, it was ugly. after a moment, the TA successfully, and clearly, saw the tables and again, successfully, pretended like he did not see anything stupid. my feeling at that moment is exactly like a fat boy farting in the middle of library in Harvard Medical School in peak hour. i went back to CC to pick up what i left and accumulatively, they were like one big box, two medium boxes, several small boxes, and one big luggage, that required two trip of cab back-to-back. i was all alone that night in CPA. as the saying goes: characteristic is when you are alone, i did a lot of stupid things, all alone, in which are not really suitable to be written here. oh, one of them might be educational - experimenting (more like playing) with pupil.

Thursday, i woke up at 4.03am!....and i slept back and woke up again at 5.38am -no sahur that day. and i, again, slept back and woke up at 12.56pm. i was like what? another oversleeping day? yes. it's just that the class started at 1pm. so, shower and getting dressed took almost 20 minutes and there you go, i made to class 30 minutes before the-famous-11am-break. as the break started, the professor, or best referred as prof. XXX, called my name "Muhammad Khairun!" he then continued "Here is your midterm, lecture note for chapter 7 and.." he paused,"the second midterm." he said. "You were not here right? it is supposed to be handed today because i gave it on Tuesday. These students have two days to do it but i give you until tomorrow morning. SO you only have one night to do it.OK?" he gently spoke to me. i was like Wow! i did not even know there was a midterm. plus, i did not even tell him that i am sorry for not taking the midterm on time. in addition, he is so nice to give me that chance...i acted cool and said "Alright, thank you." if i did not take this midterm, seriously, the earlier midterm, that is almost perfect score, would have gone vain. so that night, (yes i started to do it late) i worked all night long to do the midterm. no wonder it is a take-home; it's because the solution is super-long! two pages would be just enough to solve the Navier-Stokes equation.

Friday, just a few minutes before Subuh, i managed to finish all the questions. i had my sahur and performed Subuh prayer and again~ took a supposedly-short-nap. i woke up late and came to class 15 minutes before it ended. those people in the class was like just seeing a clown getting in the class. i handed my midterm at the end of the class and a friend of mine came and said "hey redz, i have a question for you. did you oversleep?" wow! how did he know?? dude, it has been a week, man. as long as a week!!! he continued while LOL-ing (with several others too) "I was like what the f***? what the hell is he doing here? you came in like just 15 minutes before the class ends" he then said "You know right you don't have to come?". Yes i am fully aware that i could just not to come but i have to submit my midterm!! well, that makes me what i am. from as early as kindergarten up to this date, i am always associated with sleeping things -it always has something to do with sleeping.uh...

that evening, i received one good news while me and several other undergraduates were making fun of this Ph.D student while he is presenting. the professor is so mad at him and yet he was able to come out with question like this :" what are you talking about? my work or my presentation?". Professor could not stand anymore and he just had to laugh - painfully. oh, what was that good news? i will tell it later. so we, Stevens students, went to Mission to have our iftar there.

and next morning, which is on 08/21/2010, i figured out why i have always been oversleeping. it is because my phone alarm does not work anymore! it doesn't make any sound! it just vibrates! arghh! you are iPhone and that's the best you can come out with?? well, it's time to change to a new one. poop.

motivation

alhamdulillah after a while I haven't written anything, and have been writing about petty things, i now know why my writing style has changed. i used to write analytically, or at least i think i did, but it was quite sometime ago. i thought the great lost i had was the cause; but i am sure that i am (slightly) wrong. i know that i have no motivation to write about certain topics.

i am not saying i was a good writer; but, at least i can say that i had the attempt to become one. a good writer is the one whom i define to write analytically to give a beneficial impact or input to the readers with a blog-friendly style. it was totally not my intention to write "academically'; but, i am glad to quote Ust. Hasrizal in his blog saifulislam.com saying " broken glass and broken glass, bad language I read pun lazy". sorry, that was what google translate says. haha. actually what he was saying was "pecah kaca pecah gelas, rosak bahasa nak baca pun malas." yeah, i realize and wondering what is wrong with writing appropriately?

come back to the motivation i was talking about; really, i don't find any good to write like before. it feels like my head now is not for that kind of subject anymore. but i guess that is somewhat close to the definition of blogging - reflection of writers onto their writing. maturity and way-of-thinking really affect your writing style. you may find one endlessly writes about his emotional problems, like, thought of suicide, feeling lost, longing of nonexistent things or things alike. well, those are what currently playing in his head. need i say more?

still, up to this paragraph, i still don't discuss about motivation. relax, i am an easy-going guy. let's us be more realistic; before you do something, you must be interested in it first. for example, how can a guy, who can't afford for expensive things, is willing to spend thousands on his camera (or precisely, photography)? then he must be dying for good pictures! that means he must have an extremely strong bond with photography! or, generally speaking, he is interested with photography. isn't it so? and the same things happen to writing.

now, i am wondering, what kind of motivation am i talking about? what kind of things i want to write or discuss? good questions, finally. shall i say it here? should i make this entry more general? should i? could i? oh no. okay, looking back at my old posts, i found out that i was so into politics, economy, religion, and things alike. but after sometime, i found that i had no interest to write about them. why? simply because i don't have any motivation. yes. motivation comes after interest ignited. writing starts after motivation triggered. so i guess that is the flow.

one more good question. what made me stop? it was because i found politics are boring, childish, oppressive, foolish, and deceptive. religion? I AM NOT LOSING MY GRIP, it just that i am still looking for good topic, that i understand well, to write. economy? baaaahhh. i rather write about guitar. yeah, did i tell i play guitar? the other reason is that my head now is kind of full of questions sound more like "what is wrong with me now?", "have i do anything wrong?". i may need a recharge like going to educational-motivational-and-spiritual talk. or maybe like having discussion or just simply conversation with some brains. isn't it?

anyway, anyhow i just found out that, again, this entry is (still) about me. should i sigh? no...certainly unnecessary :D

Power of the Power

dua malam yang lepas...aku mengalami kejadian yang sangat aneh..mungkin kerana kuasa mindaku yang tidak dapat dikawal telah melampaui batas2 ubi, siri kejadian pelik telah mengantuiku.

ianya bermula semasa aku berada di kawasan yang berlumpur.lumpur berwarna kelabu. akan tetapi hatiku berasa sangat nyaman. aku berjalan-jalan dalam lumpur tersebut. secara tiba-tiba, aku terjumpa dua orang anak kecil.lelaki. mereka bertanya, adakah aku bercakap dalam bahasa Spanish? pada mulanya aku agak terkejut akan tetapi aku berasa sangat teruja selepas memperkenalkan diriku. kami berbual-bual untuk seketika waktu dan aku terpaksa meninggalkan mereka bermain lumpur kerana aku terpaksa pergi ke suatu tempat.

aku tiba di sebuah kawasan tepi perairan di Hoboken. langit sudah gelap dan awan kelabu mula kelihatan di celah2 pencakar langit. baik, aku sudah tidak punya banyak masa lagi. lantas aku terus terbang membelah awan. aku melepasi pulau ini, pulau itu yang di atasnya penuh dengan bangunan bercahaya. aku perlu pergi ke suatu destinasi yang secara tiba2 ditetapkan dalam pemikiran logik ku. aku terbang laju dan laju lagi lantas aku mula nampak tempat yang aku mahukan.

ia adalah kawasan sekolah pondok tempat orang mengaji agama. kawasan itu berkabus dan dipenuhi pondok yang sebenar-benar pondok. ada dalam dua tiga pondok dalam satu pulau kecil.

secara tiba2 aku ada mindset bahawa aku bukan seorang manusia biasa jadi aku bercadang untuk menyorokkan identiti aku. aku terhempas ke tanah sehingga bertaburan tanah sekeliling kerana aku tak mahu ada orang nampak aku. aku terus berlari ke arah bilik wudhu'. bagaimana aku tahu ia bilik wudhu'? gambaran itu juga datang tiba2.yang pelik dengan bilik tersebut kerana ia hanya dilengkapi shower.tapi shower nye berlumut dan ada tanah.tapi aku tidak kisah kerana aku membasuh kotoran pada diriku walau ada sedikit jijik.secara tiba2 ramai pelajar sekolah pondok memenuhi bilik wudhu' tersebut untuk mengambil wudhu'.mereka tidak perasan akan kehadiran aku. jadi aku pun turut mengambil wudhu' seperti mereka. kami masuk ke dalam satu chamber. disitu aku terjumpa seorang pelajar Stevens yang mengaji di sekolah pondok tersebut. beliau mengatakan pengetua sekolah itu seorang yang garang sambil menunjukkan ke arah seseorang. ada seorang lelaki yang sedang tertawa akan tetapi apabila perkataan garang itu keluar dari mulut rakanku ini, tiba2 wajahnya berubah garang. cis..

kami kini berada di luar, di dalam sebuah parit yang berada di luar penglihatan orang. rupa2nya beliau tahu aku siapa. jadi kami berbincang bagaimana untuk identitiku tidak diketahui orang. kami agak bimbang, tapi entah mengapa tidak tahu.beliau bertanya, bagaimana aku mahu menjawap jika pengetua tanya aku datang dengan apa.takkan aku nak jawap aku terbang.tiba2 aku ternampak seekor unta.entah siapa punya pun aku tak tahu.bagaimana unta hidup di pulau pun aku tak pasti.aku terus menyatakan bahawa aku akan katakan yang aku datang dengan unta tersebut.entah tiada apa yang menyuruhku, aku berlari ke arah unta itu dengan mencelah di celah2 pondok.

aku kini menghadap pengetua. beliau gelak2 tapi aku cuak. tiba2 apa yang berada di hadapanku adalah sedulang hidangan makanan. Oh! aku sangat lapar~ lantas aku pun tuang air dan makan. beliau memandangku dengan sangat pelik. beliau merenungku tajam. apa ada dalam kepalaku? oh! hari itu adalah first ramadhan! aku sangat lapar dan ada makanan yang sedang dikunyah dalam mulut. aku sangat lapar dan aku juga sangat takut. bayangkan berada di hadapan pengetua sekolah pondok dan anda tidak puasa.makan pulak tu depan dia.dia tak suruh pun.aku sangat takut dan aku hampir terbang.aku pejamkan mata kuat2!

dan aku pun terbangun.itulah mimpi orang tak cukup tidur.aku bangun untuk solat subuh dan tidur sebentar.

balik sahaja dari sekolah, aku solat zohor dan kononnya ingin mengambil power nap. tapi nap itu memang power menyebabkan aku tertidur dari pukul 2 sampai pukul 7. terbit pula rasa menyesal. jadi untuk menyebabkan aku tidur malam, aku kena exercise. jadi aku meletihkan diri untuk mendapatkan tidur yang berkualiti di malam hari. tapi lain yang jadi, aku memang letih dan mengantuk tetapi aku tidak dapat tidur langsung. aku dengar semua perbualan rakan serumah sampai la ke subuh. mungkin aku tertidur sebentar tapi aku jamin ia tidak lebih dari 15 minit. macam power nap. lepas subuh pun aku tak boleh tidur lagi. hadoi. pukul 10 aku baru je melelapkan mata tiba2 orang insurance call la pulak!!! oi! bukan senang nak tido! jadi bagi mengelakkan kejadian sama berulang, aku fully awake untuk bercakap dengan beliau. exactly orang yang sama. nasib baik berita gembira..jadi aku memang tak boleh tidur lepas tu. sabar je lah..kini aku masih tak tidur dan aku agak cuak nak mengambil power nap yang sangat power tu. maka aku tuliskan kisah ini agar ia menjadi iktibar.ada ke?

look back

i just look back at my posts..i mean super previous posts, the prehistorical posts of mine..and i was like, what? was i like that? and now, i am not sure i am the same guy. do i change? or did I? or have I? well, whatever it is, there's still a long day waiting. not sure when it ends. =)